Category Archives: Hosting

Fundraising: A Family Affair

November 22, 2014 Molly 1 Comment

Getting the box of MudLOVE bracelets was a bit… overwhelming. But, I generally just like to tackle things right away, so I had the box open and bracelets dumped out pretty quickly, going through them to sort all of the pre-orders.

However, before shipping, I wanted Aaron to double check them for me and make sure that I hadn’t overlooked anything.

Reed and Lena were pretty fascinated with how the bracelets had overtaken our dining room table and it wasn’t long before they asked if they could help, too.

Reed was placed in charge of cutting bubble wrap into smaller pieces.

Lena was placed in charge of getting the labels from the printer and cutting them out.

Gus was given the very important job of not causing trouble. Which is easier said than done for him.

I also asked Reed and Lena to help me write little “thank yous” to pack with the bracelets. We started these a bit later in our packing, so I’m sorry if your package only has a note from me! The “tkank you” and their efforts to decorate each of them uniquely was just so cute.

I still do have lots and lots of MudLOVE bracelets, so let me know if you are interested! Tkank you note included.

Hosting

Risk Taking, Hosting and A Matching Grant

October 12, 2014 Molly Leave a comment

Part One: Risk Taking

Sitting outside one afternoon, I talked with a friend while Gus climbed up on our fence, just about a foot off the ground. Thud. His bottom hit the ground.

A few tears, a hug and all was healed.

When I glanced over again, there he was up on the fence. Again. Why does he do that when he JUST got hurt? He’s just going to fall again, I thought.

But, I kept on watching him. Tiny feet stepping across the bar. He stretched his legs around corners.

I could see the risk was minimal, but for him, this was a difficult mountain peak and he was climbing without gear.

He didn’t fall again. This time, he called out to me, “Mama! I did it!” In his 3 year old brain, he made it to the summit.

Part Two: Hosting

The conversation I was having that afternoon was about hosting Big L again. Project 143 told us that we needed to decide if we were going to host her again, or if they should find her a different host family. I told my friend how I didn’t want to host. I didn’t want to open myself and my family up to more hurt. I didn’t want to get myself off the ground again and take the risk.

I had starting to feel peace in the uncertainty, not ready to make a decision about re-hosting or adoption. I wanted to begin the healing process, not rip the bandaid off again. But, we needed to decide.

I talked with those few people I know will offer me wisdom in the face of a huge decision. Questions like, “What does it mean if you don’t host her again?”; “How will you feel if… (insert any number of probable scenarios here)?” “If you don’t, do you think you might regret it?” And, support like, “You can do hard things.” and “I support you no matter what you decide.”

On that day, I hadn’t talked to Big L in over a week. She hadn’t been online and I hadn’t called her either. Our last few phone calls had been pretty forced. She would barely talk. But, I decided to try calling, before we made a decision about hosting.

Instead of listening to the phone ring and ring for a few minutes, I got a quick answer and a happy “Hi!” I was shocked and the only thing I could think to say was “I miss you.” “I miss you, too,” she replied, without hesitation. She asked me about our family and, as it was getting quite late here, I was the one who told her that I needed to go for a change.

I had been ready to give up, but that little conversation was the spark of hope. Maybe the girl we knew is still in there.

Aaron and I agreed after that: Saying “no” to hosting meant saying “no” to her forever. Saying “yes” to hosting meant one more chance.

I thought of all of the people who have been a constant presence and source of encouragement in my life, all of the people who have loved me when I made mistakes and given me second chances, all of the wonderful people who’ve had my back no matter what. The people who’ve showed up for me even when I haven’t deserved it or wanted it or had any inkling that I needed it. People like my own mom, my sisters, the friends who’ve loved me for years. The answer was clear. Give her another chance.

If there is one thing that I know about God, it’s that He loves us with a relentless love. A love that never gives up, a love that endures, a love that chases you and seeks to meet you wherever you’re at.

And if there’s one very most important thing that I believe is my responsibility as a follower of Jesus, it’s to be a reflection of that love. To do my very best to love people unconditionally. Even, especially, when it hurts. Here’s our chance to live that.

This isn’t about adoption. We’d still love to have her as a permanent part of our family, but even if this only gives us clarity on adoption and a few more weeks to pour love into her, that’s okay, too.

We can’t worry about the bigger picture right now. As Glennon Melton says, “just do the next right thing”. The next right thing is four more weeks.

Part Three: A Matching Grant!

We have about $3000 to raise in the next month to cover her hosting fees. A super generous friend offered us a $250 matching grant, but before I could even share this news here, I shared it on my personal Facebook page. As of right now, $320 has been donated, taking care of the matching grant! We still have over $2000 to go. Thank you to everyone who has donated and shared about our need.

Here is the link to donate. All donations are tax deductible.

…also know that Moose Prints will be returning soon and I’d love to squeeze some fall photo sessions in as well!

Adoption, Hosting

Uncertainty

September 12, 2014 Molly 5 Comments

I think that many of you figured that the “hope” that we had, the one with the big obstacle that I mentioned in a recent blog post, was adopting Big L. Bingo. Some of you even caught that I mentioned it in a different recent blog post, although I deleted it pretty quickly. I schedule my blog posts and had been planning to announce it in an earlier blog post, which never happened.

We hit the ground running with this adoption. We were not able, per hosting program rules, to discuss the adoption with Big L. So, literally the morning she left our house, we put our agency application in the mailbox.

Although we had not discussed adoption outright, we thought we had a pretty solid idea of how she felt about it, because of things she had said about wanting to come back forever and all of the love and affection she’d shown while she was here. Even before we sent off that agency paperwork, things had started to come together for the adoption. A large discount from the agency because of all of our prior training, a friend contacting me looking for an adoptive family to help fundraise for (with no clue that we had just started the process), a well timed post placement visit that we could double as part of our home study update… it all seemed to be coming together.

After she had been back for a few days, I got a message from a friend: rumor had it, another family was in her country “blind” (meaning they did not come with a child in mind) and had coincidentally gotten her referral. This was concerning, but I know her. I was pretty confident that she’d say no, both because she’s not the type of person to open up right away to strangers and also because of how she felt about us.

Our agency contacted the orphanage to follow up with this blind referral, to find out what happened:

[She] told them loud and clear that she has a family who she loves and who she is waiting for and there is no way she would be adopted by another family. [She] is VERY MUCH in love with her host family and misses them very much!!

That sounds like really sweet, wonderful news. Except, the same day, Big L contacted me and told me that she didn’t want to be adopted. I did not expect the entire process to go smoothly, and for her to hang on to the relationship that we built up over the summer for the entire length of the adoption process. But, I didn’t imagine she would change her mind so quickly, either. Over the past week, I’ve ridden the whole roller coaster of being missed by her to being very clearly pushed away and everything in between.

Legally, she has the right to decline adoption. She will have to express her feelings on the adoption in court. Emotionally, we do not want to manipulate or persuade her into doing something that she doesn’t want. There are enough emotions surrounding adoption, especially older child adoption, without any coercion on our part. We keep telling that it’s completely her decision. We believe adoption is in her best interest, but it also seems like an impossible decision for a child her age. Between what she has told us and our connection on social media, we believe she’s being influenced, partly by someone who does not want her to be adopted and partly by the strong influence that her friends have. As hard as this is for our family, we know it is much harder decision for her.

I’ve debated sharing this here, so publicly, but I also wanted to share about this reality of hosting and older child adoption. I also wanted to share this major prayer request of ours. I am not of the mindset that all orphans are better off being adopted by Americans, but knowing Big L, we feel very strongly that she needs some strong role models in her life. We believe that with a little guidance, she will thrive and continue to be a great light to everyone around her. But, from what we know of her current direction, we are under the impression that she’s heading down a bad path.

I truly believe that this is a spiritual battle for her soul. As a wise woman recently told me, some dark forces have had a hold on her life for a long time, and they will not let go of her so easily.

As we initially announced her adoption, we had a few different close friends and family members say something along the lines of, “Oh good. I knew she fit in your family perfectly, but I didn’t want to say anything!” And, like my mom said a ton on Big L’s last day with us, “she is NOT the girl we picked up at the airport.” No, no, she was not. She was lighter, happier, looking and acting younger. She had the security and the freedom to be herself and to just be a child.

We all fell in love with her this summer. She is kind and compassionate. She loves people deeply and she is so deserving of a family who can love her so deeply in return. A family who can nurture her, support her, and eventually help her navigate the world.

My sister shared how she is praying for Big L, which is so meaningful to me right now, as I can barely produce a coherent sentence:

Pray for the Father to draw her to Jesus. John 6:44
Bind the spirit that blinds her mind. II Cor. 4:4
Release on her the Spirit of adoption, in God’s family and [our] family.
Pray for believers to speak into her life and witness to her. Matt. 9:38
Asking the Father to give her the Spirit of revelation and an understanding of the Truth. Eph.1:17

So, please pray for Big L? We have no doubt that her story is not over yet, but right now it’s all so uncertain.

Everyday Life, Hosting

The Goodbye

August 31, 2014 Molly 1 Comment

I woke up the next morning, exhausted. I had stayed up a bit too late putting the finishing touches on Big L’s scrapbook. Tired, but worth it.

Again, we went over to my sister’s house. She had brunch for us. And then, everyone looked through Big L’s scrapbook, recalling all of the wonderful memories.

And, far too soon, it was time to say goodbye to my sister and her family.

Tears and hugs. My nephew, Owen, who is the same age as Big L said, “This is a solemn moment in our history. All good people must say goodbye.” Truth.

Bags were packed. 😦

Last Exit in Pennsylvania. NO! Can’t we just stay in Pennsylvania?

But, no, we had to go to the airport.

When we arrived, there were many other host families there already. Many of the kids seemed to be congregating and catching up on their summers. But, Big L stuck with me and my parents, beyond yelling a quick hello to some boys from her school. I was a bit clueless about how this whole thing worked, but once again, Big L showed her maturity by going up to the chaperone and requesting her passport, so we could wait in line to get her boarding pass. And, I had to smile when we were at the ticket counter, checking her in. The agent realized that she was not old enough to travel alone, as many of the kids weren’t. He had already checked many of the host kids in, but perhaps they were all old enough to travel alone. She’s not. So, he asked where the chaperone was. My mom went to grab the chaperone, and Big L whispered “she doesn’t speak English.” Uh oh. The chaperone was very confused, but Big L did a bit of translating for her and sorted things out. Clever girl, speaking more English than her chaperone, meanwhile telling us that she does not speak English. Yeah, sure.

With my parents.

They didn’t coordinate wearing KU colors to go with Big L’s KU shirt, but it’s quite fitting.

And, the goodbye.

Wow. It doesn’t seem so long since they walked through security for our hello, and then, they were gone. 😦

My mom kept saying, “she’s not the same girl we picked up at the airport.” No, no, she’s not. Remember her? That girl was brave, but this girl truly opened up and is so very loved. I just keep praying she remembers that.

Everyday Life, Hosting

The Last Full Day

August 30, 2014 Molly 2 Comments

I’m sharing about Big L’s last couple of days with us.

I got Big L up very early yesterday morning and Aaron took us to the airport. I hadn’t slept— I had stayed up, adding to her scrapbook and packing her bags.

A hug goodbye from Aaron, and there we were, waiting in the airport. To quote Big L, this was a “very very bad” day. We sat and listened to music together while we waited. We sung the English version of Hosanna in church a couple of weeks ago and she was really excited when I showed her that there was a Russian version as well. It’s become a favorite of hers.

First flight down and we grabbed donuts. Because, a “very very bad day” calls for donuts, right?

One more flight and my parents picked us up. We did a quick detour to Hamilton Park, which is just across the Hudson River from New York City. When we got out of the car, Big L yelled “Look!!!” and pointed to a woman doing sit-ups. Not too overwhelmed by the NY skyline, I guess. She pointed out every passing helicopter while we pointed out the well known buildings.

Then, it was back to my parents’ house. She had a couple of gifts waiting there for her. First, a stuffed squirrel. She always says “squirrel!!!!” whenever she sees a squirrel. Such excitement over a common furry creature. So, my mom thought a stuffed one was only appropriate. And, she also got to open up a package from another host mom, some Ohio Buckeyes paraphernalia in her favorite color, red.

We didn’t stay home long, because we had PLANS. We would have taken her to New York City, if we thought she’d enjoy that, but even more than NYC, we thought she’d like to see my sister’s kids and go to the pool with them. So, we did.
After a month apart, their greeting was a bit awkward. The older boys all shook her hand, but my niece and the youngest two boys gave her a hug. But, they quickly jumped back into playing together. Big L had brought them all cards. Even the littlest.

(he was just getting over being sick, which is why he has a weird rash.)

The preteens. Still wrestling.

After the pool, we headed to my sister’s house for dinner and to celebrate my nephew’s birthday. His birthday is actually the next day, but they wanted to celebrate with Big L there.

My sister is awesome at the hospitality stuff. She has a big chalkboard in her dining room where she writes important things. For this day, she put Big L’s name on it. I took a picture, but of course, I am not sharing Big L’s real name on here. 🙂

My sister is also awesome at the cooking part.

And making cheesecakes. It was delicious!

Happy Birthday, Bram!

We spent Big L’s last evening with us eating cheesecake and prancersizing and watching my niece pretend to be a horse. Totally ridiculous, but just the sort of thing you do with family.

Then, we headed back to my parent’s house to pack. Which also turned out to be pretty silly, with vacuum sealed bags and Big L trying on almost every piece of clothing she had, and exclaiming “YUCK!” at a few items.

And then, I tucked her in one last time…