Tag Archives: hosting

Chapter by Chapter

August 28, 2015 Molly 2 Comments

One year ago, I watched Luda walk through security at the Newark airport, ending our summer together. It was hard, but I also had the hope that we were starting her adoption! I put my hope in that.

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It’s so strange to look back on, because those few days were a rollercoaster. So many goodbyes… and we started her adoption paperwork. It was sad, but full of hope. And then, she told me that she didn’t want to be adopted… and that changed everything. What seemed to be a fairy tale until that point suffered a major plot twist that day.
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We are getting ready to say goodbye to N on Saturday. There is a general consensus in our house that this is not a sad thing. N herself is excited to go back, see her friends and start school.
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N’s story in our family is so different than Luda’s. With Luda, it was always easy to see the impact we were making and where this journey might take us… with N, not so much. We will not be adopting and/or re-hosting her. The clarity of that sometimes feels like a failure– if only we were better parents, we could, right?

It’s a doubt that nags at me, even though I know it isn’t true. We simply aren’t a good fit for N. She needs a family who can offer her firm structure and constant individual attention… and with three kids younger than her, there is just no way that can be us. But, when we find her that quiet, steady family, she will thrive.

While I might like every story to have an immediate, happy ending, they don’t. Some stories have sequels, or trilogies, or even a whole series. Sometimes, you can’t see the whole picture until the epilogue. And, not every story has the resolution that I hope for as I am reading– very often, the ending is so much better than anything that I could have imagined.

Luda’s story is one that I cannot put down at the moment. I eagerly flip through pages, wanting to know how it will end. N’s story is one that I struggle to pick up each day. I am praying that her next chapter holds something beautiful. 2015-08-28_0001

Will you join me in praying for N as she departs and starts a new chapter?

Everyday Life

The Highlight of Our Summer

August 22, 2015 Molly 1 Comment

We really enjoy spending a chunk of our summer in Pennsylvania with my family. Even though it’s been almost 10 years since I lived there full time, it still feels like home in many ways. I love that my kids have strong bonds with my side of the family, even though we live so far apart.

The highlight of the summer for the kids is going to our huge family reunion at the end of July. It’s been going on since 1953. We went often when I was a kid and this is the third summer my kids have gone.

First of all, this year was extra special because we got to meet my newest niece for the first time.

Reed and Lena fell in love hard. And, I think the feeling was mutual. She thought Lena made a great pillow and Reed was hilarious.

Even though it’s a family reunion, the closest relations to me there (apart from my sisters, nephews, niece and parents) are usually second cousins. However, this year, one of my cousins came… the second reason why it was extra special. Reed thought my cousin Tim was the coolest… which he pretty much is.

I expected N to be bored, bored, bored at the reunion, but she was pretty happy to grab whatever she wanted to eat and have lots of space to run around.

Gus wasn’t quite as sure about his new little cousin as Reed and Lena were, but he ended up enjoying her company.

My dad came to the reunion this year, too.

N really enjoyed the square dancing. She was the only one of us to square dance this year and I could hardly get her out of the barn when it was time to go.

Another fun year with lots of memories made.

Everyday Life

Give Me Your Questions!

August 20, 2015 Molly 7 Comments

Hopefully, you’ve seen our announcement by now. If not, you need to take 5 minutes to watch this before you read any further.

We are thrilled to be sharing this news. Most people were surprised by it and have (expectedly) drilled us with questions. So, I’m opening here for your questions. Leave a question in the comments and I will address it an upcoming blog post.

However, please note that I will NOT be answering questions about Luda’s personal history that we aren’t a direct part of. That’s her own story and hers to tell, not mine. 🙂

Everyday Life, Orphan Care

N’s Birthday

August 18, 2015 Molly Leave a comment

N turned 9 years old a few weeks ago. We celebrated twice– once in a small party with my family and once on her actual birthday at home.

My mom baked these fantastic cupcakes. I stood and watched her, trying to soak up some of her cupcake decorating skills.

We surprised her by celebrating with my family. When she realized what we were doing, she asked to call her chaperone. The chaperone said she was so excited and wanted a photo of everyone together.

A simple request, but clearly it meant something to her.

She showed a ton of appreciate for each card, reading them carefully. I really don’t know that I’ve ever seen a child express so much gratitude.

My niece picked out this stuffed dog from her collection and gave it to N.

One of our gifts to N was a pair of sneakers. It’s a truly practical gift– have something of good quality to take back with her and wear for the fall. Sneakers because this girl is so active! I thought it would be a boring gift, but it turned out to be one of her favorites. She even wore them to bed!

We celebrated N’s birthday the second time on her actual birthday. We arrived home from Pennsylvania that day, so we just had store bought cupcakes and gave her one gift.

Celebrating N’s birthday was a lot of fun! I think she truly appreciated

Hosting

Be Her Rock

July 18, 2015 Molly 2 Comments

Last year, Big L’s favorite song was Rend Collective’s My Lighthouse. It’s a song about God, but I think for us, it also reminded us of what it means to be a parent to a hurting child. “In my wrestling and in my doubts, In my failures You won’t walk out…”

That image has stuck with me and that song always makes me think of Big L. Any lighthouse makes me think of Big L. My “word picture” for N is slightly different. Although it sometimes feels like N is the violent sea trying to batter me, I know she’s really swimming IN a violent sea. A violent sea of emotions, a violent sea of being pulled and pushed different ways by different people, a violent sea of uncertainty. All I can offer her is a place to rest. Whenever she’s misplacing her anger on me, I try to remind myself, be her rock.

She’s scared and angry, and these feelings can come out in unpleasant ways. I want to react myself. I sometimes feel like another swimmer in this violent sea, and we might cling to or fight each other and pull each other under.

But, I can’t. She doesn’t need another swimmer who can only keep her up so long. She needs a rock to cling to.

And this is what I’m learning, day by day. Briefly acknowledge her feelings, then dig my heels in deep and let that sea crash against me. Be unmovable despite all of the misplaced hurt thrown about. Be firm and resolute with rules and boundaries. Be solid, no matter how much I might feel like cracking.

I am constantly being reminded that love looks different for different people. For Reed, love looks like having someone who believes in him– age-appropriate freedom and encouraging and acknowledging his successes. For Lena, love looks like cuddling and loving words to lift her up. For Gus, love looks like an engaged playmate and someone to rub his feet when he’s tired. For N, love looks like all of that, plus firm boundaries and someone who can sit beside her in all of her anger and not reflect anger back at her. I am learning, slowly learning, to see her hurt, but not mirror it.

Life is hard. Parenting is hard. Parenting hurt kids is super hard. I think hosting is an incredible opportunity, but I cannot tell you it’s always easy. It’s not. Not easy, but absolutely worth it.