One year ago, I watched Luda walk through security at the Newark airport, ending our summer together. It was hard, but I also had the hope that we were starting her adoption! I put my hope in that.
It’s so strange to look back on, because those few days were a rollercoaster. So many goodbyes… and we started her adoption paperwork. It was sad, but full of hope. And then, she told me that she didn’t want to be adopted… and that changed everything. What seemed to be a fairy tale until that point suffered a major plot twist that day.
We are getting ready to say goodbye to N on Saturday. There is a general consensus in our house that this is not a sad thing. N herself is excited to go back, see her friends and start school.
N’s story in our family is so different than Luda’s. With Luda, it was always easy to see the impact we were making and where this journey might take us… with N, not so much. We will not be adopting and/or re-hosting her. The clarity of that sometimes feels like a failure– if only we were better parents, we could, right?
It’s a doubt that nags at me, even though I know it isn’t true. We simply aren’t a good fit for N. She needs a family who can offer her firm structure and constant individual attention… and with three kids younger than her, there is just no way that can be us. But, when we find her that quiet, steady family, she will thrive.
While I might like every story to have an immediate, happy ending, they don’t. Some stories have sequels, or trilogies, or even a whole series. Sometimes, you can’t see the whole picture until the epilogue. And, not every story has the resolution that I hope for as I am reading– very often, the ending is so much better than anything that I could have imagined.
Luda’s story is one that I cannot put down at the moment. I eagerly flip through pages, wanting to know how it will end. N’s story is one that I struggle to pick up each day. I am praying that her next chapter holds something beautiful.
Will you join me in praying for N as she departs and starts a new chapter?
a moose in moscow 
I feel like I recognize how you feel. We have hosted a child once, for six weeks, and it was the hardest six weeks if my life. We so desperately wanted it to work, but it didn’t, for similar reasons as for you. That child needed a family without younger children, and we have three….. That child is the sibling of the girl we have hosted for five summers and love deeply, but we can’t adopt her without her sibling. Sometimes the story really is different from what we want it to be!
I wish you all the best with your adoption of Luda! And I wish your N all the best too, and hope that further on she will have bright chapters in her story too.
I also know how you feel, but to continue on with your analogy, what may have been a story that was a struggle for you to get through, can and will be the best story someone else has ever read!
We did foster care for quite a few years and nothing ever worked out for us to adopt. But because we were there for the children when we were, we were part of making it possible for each child to get to the RIGHT home for them at the right time. We have seen every one of our foster children lovingly adopted (some after some big trials) by the perfect family for them, but most of those families weren’t ready when the children needed a home. We were there for them in between. Sometimes we are the final destination in a child’s life and sometimes we are only the refreshing pit stop along the journey.
In addition, because of your story and abdication for orphans, adopting, and hosting, you have made a lasting impression on me and many others. I am now spreading the word. This story isn’t just about big L or N or even just the Parker family. Because of you, hundred of thousands will be blessed. Never underestimate the power of doing good!