Last night, Big L told me “my friend say she wants to go back to [home country]. I do not want.”

This morning, Big L looked at the calendar this morning and counted down her full days left with us. 13. Ugh.

This evening, I asked Big L to leave me alone for a few minutes. I thought this upset her and I went to apologize, reiterating why I just needed to be alone for a few minutes. She wrote back to me:

“All good things with me. You did not upset me. I regret that it was 13 days. I love you and I’ll be in [home country] when I will worry for you and miss you very much. I love you very good. This poem is for you. Mom Super. Mom Star. The Best Mom here.”

How do you even?

None of us are ready for that goodbye. When Reed heard what we were talking about, he grabbed onto her and said “NOOO! YOU CAN’T GO BACK TO [home country]! YOU CAN’T GO BACK!” While I think he was being a big dramatic just for fun and maybe to make her smile, I think he was genuine that he’s really going to miss her.

And, Gus, who didn’t nap today, walked around the grocery store like this tonight, snuggled against her while she pushed the cart.

And Lena. Lena loves having this girl in her life who is sort of like a mom and sort of like an older friend. A “sister”.

I’m just struggling with the words to let her know how much we all love her. And, I’ve got nothing. Nothing that is going to make August 26th any easier.