We started our day off with a walk. Lyuda had requested that we pick up some food for her. Not really allowed by the orphanage, but I’m not letting her go hungry if I can help it. So, we walked to the grocery store to pick up her requests.

Another mom who just adopted from here told me that her driver had an “old Soviet car” and I couldn’t imagine what that was. Until I stepped outside the next day, and realized “Oh, of course!” Cars like these are everywhere.

Just some sites along the way. In the distance is the Desna River.

We walked through this park on our way back. It’s named after Taras Shevchenko, a famous Ukrainian writer and the first to use the Ukrainian language in his work. This park has busts of many other men, but I only recognized a couple.

It began to snow shortly before it was time for us to go to the orphanage. Today, the building we are normally in was closed. We aren’t allowed to be in the only building open today– the children’s sleeping quarters. Between the bad weather and having to stay outside, we decided to make today’s a short visit.

When we first arrived, we asked the girls to show us the bathroom. While I appreciate a nice clean bathroom, we’re used to camping and roughing it. I figured I could handle this.

These are the bathrooms. The “toilets” are basically a hole in the ground, roughly the size and shape of a toilet. It’s pretty bad. I can’t imagine needing to use them at night.

The girls thought it was pretty funny that we braved their bathrooms.

Then, we went and sat at a little covered picnic area on their playground. O really likes Aaron. She loves his hair and his silly antics.

The closest building with blue trim is their sleeping quarters. The further building, behind the evergreen is the school building, where we normally meet. The woman in the red coat is going to feed the pigs

We just sat and talked. No supervision, which was nice for a change.

I don’t remember what made her laugh, but she laughs a lot.

The playground is decorated with these little wooden animals. To make the girls laugh, I started talking to the bear in Ukrainian. “Oh, hello! How are you? What’s your name”. This got a laugh, despite the ridiculousness of it.

Like I said earlier, we planned not to stay long, sitting outside in the snow. We only lasted about 45 minutes.

Lyuda enjoys the cold and slide across the ice back towards the car.

Orphanage life…

I watched the snow fall on the drive home and decided I wanted to walk over by the monastery next to our hotel when we got back.

We have just two visits left for this trip. Tomorrow will be our last full day here, and on Tuesday, Oksana will come and pick us up. We’ll visit one last time with her, and then return to Kyiv for one day of paperwork, before going home. At home, we’ll wait for our court date, which our facilitators expect to be in March.

As we zoom of our town, the one where our hotel is, I watch the familiar sites go by. The school, the store, the bus station, the train station. This is a small Ukrainian town, but it has the same amenities as any small American town, perhaps even more. Our driver jerks one way to pass a truck, then back into our lane. While his driving is typical of how Ukrainians drive and doesn’t feel particularly unsafe, it is fast and makes me feel a bit like we’re in some sort of race. The Fast and the Furious: Rural Ukraine.

I think, “the roads aren’t too bad today”. Yes, bumpy, but they look clear. I could almost blur my vision and pretend we’re in the Midwest of the United States, near home. But, the houses are different, and occasionally, I can see the onion dome of a cathedral in the distance. We begin to get into “the forest” as they call it. This is where I lose cell reception, until we hit the part where they’re currently harvesting trees. There’s a cell tower here, so for the few minutes we zoom by this area, I have perfect reception.

Eventually, I see the sign… Orlivka, 9. I’m guessing this means 9km. That sounds about right. The driver slows now, turns off carefully onto the ice-covered road to Orlivka. I was wrong– the roads are still bad. We bump along, forest, then open fields, more forest, open fields. Many signs warn us about forest fires. No Smokey the Bear, but there is a sign with a horse running through a blaze.

We continue bumping along until we see the sign… in Ukrainian, it says “Welcome to Orlivka”… it’s old and battered, but pictures some bread and vegetables next to these words.

This town is like nothing I’ve ever seen before. It’s something beautiful, like something I’ve read about in fairy tales. As we enter the town, just past the welcome sign, are two houses with a horse and cart in front.

The driver zig-zags down the road, avoiding potholes. While the houses are beautiful and colorful, with ornate porches, they are also all in disrepair. All of them. A few have satellite dishes, but most look untouched by modern amenities. The cars are few and far between, but the house drawn carts are numerous. We always see at least one each day on this last part of our drive. Today, we saw three.

I cannot wrap my brain around the combination of beauty, whimsy, and poverty that was see as we drive by. I feel a bit like a time traveler, who someone ended up at the turn of the 20th century.

We bump and zig zag along, out of Orlivka, down the road to an even smaller town, where the orphanage is. I wonder who lives here, but I assume it must only be the orphanage staff. Although there are only 36 kids here, they have a very large staff and I have no idea what most of them do.

When we pull up, the children are wondering around. Some nod, or even smile and wave. The brave ones say hello, or good day… and the bravest duck their heads out of doors quickly to say “Good afternoon!” in English. This makes me laugh. I wish we could give them all hugs and a warm meal. It’s not an issue of money. Food here is cheap, but the orphanage staff would never allow us to bring it.

Lyuda is no where to be found. However, her friend N appears. He says hello again. I want to hug him– he looks like he needs a hug, but it seems inappropriate to hug a 16 year old boy I just met. We have an awkward conversion, where again, he tells me how much he wants a family. I’ve told him he’s told old to be adopted by Americans (due to US laws), but he is asking me to help him to get to the US for the summer. Yes, I might be able to get him hooked up with a hosting program. Even if he’s not adoptable, I think he could benefit from the love of a family for the summer.

N runs off to find Lyuda for me. In the mean time, O shows up. She is so happy to see us again. I ask about her hand– yes, it still hurts.

We’re ushered in to the room where we normally go, but this time, the male psychologist isn’t there. Instead, a female psychologist sits in with us. She won’t let N or O to join us. We play Skip-Bo. We brought Lyuda boots, as she said her others were broken. She’s still asking about a phone, and I’m still refusing. So, the boots are partly a goodwill gesture. When the psychologist goes out of the room, I also hand her some candy to share with her friends (she doesn’t like candy much) and sunflower seeds for herself. No official has told us that food is forbidden yet, but I know this from other families.

The psychologist asks how long we’ll stay and we agree on two hours. She likes this, because it’s the time that she is done for the day. She seems nice, often smiling at us, but she sticks to the rules. Lyuda seems to like her too.

The time goes by quickly. We finish our game a few minutes early and decide to go stand outside. Most of the walking areas are an ice rink– just completely ice covered. We stand on the porch to avoid slipping and sliding on the ice. As we stand there, all of the orphanage workers begin approaching and standing around the porch. They are all glancing unpleasantly in our direction. Lyuda says, “Director will talk”… and then I realize they’re waiting here for the orphanage director to come and make some speech from the steps of the porch. We move down to the car and say our goodbyes.

We bump and zig zag back down the roads, slowly making our way back to our hotel. Again, I watch all of the houses as we pass and I wonder how much longer this place will be here. It feels like we will pick Lyuda up, and as we drive away forever, this place will disappear behind us, crumbling into ruin. A place we once saw, but can never get back to. It looks fragile and fleeting, yet I know there must be a stubbornness and perseverance that holds up these homes. They know how to survive.

Today was a strange combination of feelings. I think that anyone who has adopted can tell you that there are days when it’s impossible to separate the joy and the sorrow. Today was one of those.

I woke up to see a sliver of blue sky in the clouds. It was beautiful. No fog, lots of fluffy clouds and bits of blue sky out our window. Already a better day.

We had to go to the notary with Olya, our other facilitator. We walked. I was looking forward to a walk on the beautiful day and was looking forward to exploring the town. As soon was we stepped off of the hotel sidewalk onto the road, I fell. I knew it would happen– there was no avoiding it. The road was solid, smooth, slick ice. Ouch. I brushed it off and we continued on our way. The roads were all ice and slush covered. I was amazed I only fell once on our walk to the notary, which was about a mile. Oksana met us there, joyful as always. We signed out papers and headed back.

They had some other errands to run, and I figured while we were out braving the treacherous sidewalks and roads, we might as well explore a bit and take some photos.

In the afternoon, we headed to the orphanage. The first part of our one hour drive was pretty clear, but as we turned off onto the smaller roads, they were still snow and ice packed. Our driver handled them all well, but it’s not exactly a pleasant ride.

Once we arrived, Lyuda wasn’t around, but a girl went and found the orphanage psychologist for us. I asked him to take me to the bathroom. All of their bathrooms are outside. The kids have an outhouse type of bathroom. Guests get to use a nicer bathroom, which remains locked, which is why I needed him to escort me.

I took the opportunity to ask him how many kids were at the school. 36. He also complimented me on my Ukrainian today (woohoo!).

Back inside, he found Lyuda for us. She brought her friend O into the room as well. This time, the orphanage psychologist didn’t seem to care. We all looked bashful when he found O with us, but he said it was okay. O could stay and play cards with us.

O showed me her hand– I didn’t see it at first, but then I realized. It was swollen, bruised and she was using it with great care. Lyuda even said that she washed O’s hair for her yesterday, as O couldn’t do it herself. Lyuda also said that they would take O to the hospital on Tuesday. I got concerned for O, and the orphanage psychologist gave me permission to share a photo with my American doctor friends. I shared it privately on Facebook, and there was a lot of concern. I have a couple of ideas on how I might be able to help her a bit until Tuesday, or have some idea if it’s a very urgent matter that needs attention– in which case I’ll beg to see if we can pay someone to take her sooner. O has already aged out and at the very least, I want her to know that she is loved and someone cares to make sure that her needs are met.

We also had some interactions with other kids today. One boy who has a family coming, R, smiled and said hello. And I, a girl who was just here for hosting, gave me a huge smile and said hello, too. I is a bit shy, but she seems to have warmed up to me. There’s a boy, N,  who REALLY wanted to meet us. He wants a family, but he’s already aged out. He came in and talked to us for a few minutes. He was shy and apprehensive, but this was so important to him. Unfortunately, he’s 16 and has also already aged out. When I said in Ukrainian “you want a family?”, the orphanage psychologist again said that we can only talk to Lyuda. I think I made a mistake, asking him this question and I hope he doesn’t reconsidering allowing us to spend time with O or other kids because of it. 😦

So, yes, we had a good visit with Lyuda today. And, yes, it was nice to meet her friends. But, it’s also heartbreaking to meet aged out kids and know the limitations of how we can help them. I want to be an encouragement to the kids, but I also don’t want to be the Americans who cause problems, despite their best intentions. We are only here for a short while, and we can only do so much.

This is one of the houses that we pass on our drive. There are many interesting houses on our way. These little villages seem to be part of an entirely different world. All of it– the orphanage life, the village life, is so far removed from my own that it’s difficult for me to even comprehend.

I woke up this morning feeling miserable. Our room was cold (the heat is off in the whole hotel except for our room and our facilitators’ room). It was still dark out, but terribly foggy. Just overwhelmingly cold and gloomy.

I was awake 4 hours before Aaron, so I just piddled around, mostly feeling unhappy about being here. I cannot imagine living here permanently, or particularly, being confined to Lyuda’s orphanage.

The cold and the gloom are two of the challenges. Another big one for me is the food. I’ve been a vegetarian for over half of my life– and Ukrainian food is big on the meat. This clip is 90% accurate, except that the chef/waitress/room service lady here at the hotel restaurant is nicer.

The third challenge that I’ve been dealing with today is that Lyuda really wants a phone. She has been extremely persistent about it… and it rather irks me to constantly hear about a phone when we’ve come over 6000 miles. She borrows a friend’s phone to post online and I have offered to pay for her friend’s phone balance while she’s using it. This is your average teenager battle, but it’s wrapped up in all of my other frustrations about being here.

Again, I just want to be real about what we’re experiencing and not sugar coat it. I think many of the frustrations have to do with this being such a remote place and not having any of the comforts we’re used to… or even seeing the sun.

Despite all of my frustrations, our actual visit today was fine. Mostly.

We picked up a different social worker to ride along with us to to the orphanage– I’ll explain why below. Anyways, when we arrived, a bunch of kids were walking up the road, including Lyuda and a friend of hers, O. When we went back into the building, we first saw a girl who had come for hosting. Oksana gave her a huge hug. I had a letter and photo from her host family, so I snuck that into her hands before any of the officials could notice.

When I went back over to talk to Lyuda, she said her friend, O, wanted to meet us. We got to our names, and then the regional social worker said, “you may not talk to other children.” Awkward. So, O and I stood there, smiling at each other– still waiting for the orphanage psychologist to show up, but not supposed to talk. Okay then.

I didn’t mention this in yesterday’s blog post, but I got sternly yelled at yesterday when I tried to take a picture of a boy who has a family coming for him. No one had explained this rule– I thought nothing of it, as I know families who have taken pictures of other kids here, but apparently this is a very serious rule. It is rather archaic, as most of these children are on social media and a couple of them have even talked to me on there. They share pictures, etc, there, so not being permitted to talk to them in real life is an odd thing.

So, once we had everyone we needed, we went back into the visitation room and it was time for Lyuda to write her official letter that she wants us to be adopted. It had to be just perfect, but she did it! This is why the social worker needed to come along– to make sure the letter wasn’t coerced.

Then, we played cards again, Uno this time. Oksana talked to the school psychologist for awhile– she told him about us and her own sister-in-law, adopted from Ukraine, and how well she is thriving. Oksana is so pleasant and positive that I’m glad to have her chatting their ears off about us and how American life looks post-adoption.

Our visit was short again, maybe just about an hour or even a bit less. I find some amusement that we have constant supervision, especially as we’ve hosted her three times. And we never had this type of supervision when we visited our other kids pre-adoption.

And back to our hotel, it was. Oksana and I talked quite a bit on the way back, about all kinds of things. Tomorrow, she and our other facilitator, Olya, will go back to Kyiv. I am going to miss having Oksana here, particularly for her positivity and fun personality.  I mentioned in yesterday’s blog post that we had a choice about how long to stay. We will stay until early  next week, which is as long as we can. It doesn’t feel right to leave when we could be visiting Lyuda, but the idea of staying isn’t a happy one.

Soon, groundhog day begins, where we visit Lyuda each day, and try to find other little things to fill our time. If you are praying for us, please pray that some of the gloominess of this place subsides and that this phone discussion doesn’t become a bigger issue. Thank you.

6:35am. Phone vibrates. “Hello.” Oksana replies, “hey!” “Hi!” “Ready for adventure?” she asks. “Always!” I reply.

We headed out to meet our facilitators and the driver, to take us to Lyuda’s region. As we drove out of Kyiv, Oksana said, “say goodbye to the stores! You won’t be seeing them!” So, we drove out of Kyiv, on Ukrainian highways, ridden with potholes, bumping all the way.

At some point as we left the city limits, I realized I was not, in fact, ready for an adventure. I wanted to yell, “STOP, TURN AROUND AND TAKE ME TO THE AIRPORT.” It wasn’t about Lyuda or the adoption– but sitting down in the car, watching the world whiz by in a literal fog (heavy fog outside and foggy van windows), I realized that I’d left my comfort zone back in Kyiv. I share this because I think anyone going through the adoption process has moments where they want to slam on the brakes and do a u-turn. Moments of doubt are normal.

I felt better by the time we stopped halfway for a break, in a small city, which is both Oksana’s hometown and where N, our summer host child, lives.

I fell asleep in the van and every time I woke up, the roads seem to be getting more snowpacked and smaller. The kind of roads we take at home to go to a remote campground or park, not the kind we drive on for 100 miles. Finally, we reached the town where we’ll be staying and we picked up the regional social worker.

We drove another 30+ minutes to the school/internat (orphanage). I saw a few boys I “knew” from hosting listings. The children were between classes and clearly fascinated that we were there! This first visit wasn’t at all like with Reed and Lena, or with Gus. We weren’t given any additional information on Lyuda. Instead, they simply checked our papers and called her in. She gave us both big hugs.

We sat around awkwardly for a few minutes, chatting, before I asked Aaron to go get the cards from the van. I let Lyuda pick which game, Uno or Skipbo and the social worker joined us too! I was glad she played with us, instead of just observing. Meanwhile, one of our facilitators helped her with the rules and the other and the orphanage psychologist observed us (a little bit awkward).

We only stayed for one game of Skipbo. Our facilitator need to get back to the town where we are staying to complete some documents. We said, “see you tomorrow” and headed out.

We spent the rest of our evening in our hotel room. I’ve worked. We’ve watched Doctor Who. We got room service (because the heat isn’t on in the hotel restaurant– we may be the only guests right now), which was a whopping $10 (for two bottles of water, and 4 dishes + a tip).

Tomorrow, we will visit Lyuda again in the afternoon, and we will have some paperwork. We need to make a decision about how long we’ll stay here in this small town. I believe we could leave tomorrow if we wanted, but we can stay as long as 6 days. We are leaning towards staying the full time.

Hopefully, we’ll have a longer visit with more photos tomorrow.