All posts by Molly

Real Life

Of all of our post-adoption adjustment periods, this has been the easiest. I’m guessing this is for many reasons– her age, she has a full understanding of what was going to happen, she agreed to it, she’s visited us before and knows our family well, and of course, this is our third adoption. We have a slightly better picture of when to let go and when to freak out. That being said, there are still hard things, and I like to keep things real around here.

Probably the hardest thing about this adjustment? Me. I am worn out. The months of compartmentalizing and pushing through tasks with a whatever-it-takes attitude are over. Now, I’m fully jumping back into work and parenting my other kids… and being a real, present mom to this new, wonderful kid. I constantly feel like I need a physical and emotional nap!

Another big challenge is finding boundaries and setting expectations for being in a family. We’ve finding a lot of edges that I’ve always thought of as common sense, but not for a kid who has never lived in an American family. I remember being shocked when we experienced this with Reed, as he opened the door of the car himself, tried to play with the stove and once made an attempt at driving as a 4 year old.  This looks very different with a teenager, but there’s a lot of gentle guidance.

Figuring out the best options for school is another exhausting feat. The school district is unresponsive to both my questions about enrolling her for the fall and ESL resources. I’m trying to fill gaps in her knowledge and build her English confidence and competence before August. It’s hard to find math without a lot of word problems, and English which is doable, but not too easy. I’ll do a whole blog post on what we are using at another time.

We went camping this weekend and I really wanted it to be a great family bonding weekend… it was an flop.

We started it off with swimming, but the lake was a bit cold and the beach was busy with college students celebrating the end of the year. I just wanted to either a)listen to an audiobook as the kids played in the water or b)read a library book as they played on the beach. I didn’t make much progress with either.
20160507-_MG_9956
20160507-_MG_9981

On the plus side, we found a nice campsite, secluded with a great view. On the menu was s’mores and hotdogs and other food we wouldn’t call dinner at home.
20160507-_MG_0032

20160507-_MG_0047
20160507-_MG_0049
Josie is really hoping that someone will drop something worth eating.
20160507-_MG_0057//embedr.flickr.com/assets/client-code.js
Chilling by a campfire is one of my favorite things.
20160507-_MG_0073
20160507-_MG_0065
Reed made a total of 7 s’mores and ate 5 of them.
20160507-_MG_0077

The night sky was full of clouds. A disappointment for someone who loves the stars like I do.
20160507-_MG_0115

With 4 kids, 3 dogs, one husband and me sharing a tent, I didn’t sleep very much. I woke up to 3 dogs ready to go out, and I decided to take them out and see how the sky looked. The sunrise was starting to show, just a bit. At the top, with the break in the clouds, you can see the Milky Way, just a bit.
20160508-_MG_0136

Aaron went for an early morning hike with the dogs, while the kids and I slept and played around the campsite. Here he is, returning to an excited Gus.
20160508-_MG_0158

Happy Mother’s Day, from my four crazies.
20160508-_MG_0181

Week One

We are home.

20160421-_MG_9667
last photo of Lyuda in Ukraine

We arrived in the US on Friday afternoon. We spent the evening with my family.

20160422-_MG_9683
My littlest nephew. Lyuda enjoyed holding him a lot more than this photo shows, once we tied her hair back so he couldn’t pull it.

We left early Saturday morning to go home.
DSC_0161

These photos were all taken by my wonderful friend Danae.
DSC_0172

Reed said “it took us a long time to get to the airport. it’s far away.” We live about an hour away from the airport. I asked when the next plane to China was leaving, so he could see what a long trip really is! After 4 plane rides, I had a very different concept of far away.

DSC_0165

This is by far the easiest transition after adoption that we’ve had. Perhaps there will be other challenges as months go by and school starts, but for now, it’s pretty smooth.

Reed, Lena, and Gus have had school this week. After we take them all to school and go to the grocery store, Lyuda gets her own to-dos for the day. She took two math placement quizzes, and we could see where she has some holes in her knowledge. With math, it’s mostly been a few missing concepts here and there, as well as the language barrier. Now I have her doing a small math lesson each day with videos and worksheets. So far, we’ve covered place value, simple fractions and American money. She also has some English and reading work to do each day. At the suggestion of another adoptive family, we tried Reading Eggs, and I also introduced her to Lingua Leo today. She will also be doing one-on-one English lessons. The main goal of those is to boost her confidence with speaking, as grammar and vocabulary will come with time. It only adds up to a couple of hours each morning, and then she has lots of free time for the rest of the day. She has been spending this time doing embroidery, reading, and cleaning up around the house (without being asked).

20160425-_MG_9709

Teaching Gus embroidery.

20160425-_MG_9807

I brought this jersey back for Reed. I was very excited to give it to him. He loves soccer. Orange is his favorite color. And this jersey is from the soccer team of the region where Reed was born. He loved it, just as I anticipated.
20160425-_MG_9700

20160425-_MG_9755

In summary, we’re all having a great time together and getting used to the new normal.
20160425-_MG_9783

One last thing, I will be making the rest of my blog posts from when we traveled public soon, in case you missed them. 🙂

Going Home

We did it– we have her visa!!!

Rewind 14 hours.

We took the metro one stop to meet Oksana early this morning. She escorted us to the embassy. We took the metro some distance, and then we walked through a park. It was a chilly, windy morning, but the park made for a very nice walk.
20160421-_MG_9617

We arrived at the embassy, and we got in for our interview pretty quickly. Since Lyuda is only 13, I said the oath for her and signed a bunch of papers. Done. Then we just needed to wait for her visa. While we waited, we met another host family who was finishing their daughter’s adoption. We waited for over an hour, but we got it!

When we walked out of the embassy, Oksana had a little surprise for Lyuda… balloons!! Oksana is just so sweet and thoughtful… she told Lyuda that it was her day and the balloons would let everyone know that she had something to celebrate.
20160421-_MG_9624

We walked back to the metro, and I asked Oksana to join us for lunch. We went to a restaurant called Star Burger. I would highly recommend it for Americans looking for some yummy food like home.
20160421-_MG_9626

We sat and talked with Oksana for a long time. Although she is young, she is so wise. She can pass wisdom onto Lyuda so loving, like recently when she told her that she is beautiful and doesn’t need to wear makeup. Lyuda stopped wearing makeup that day. No kidding.

When it was finally time to go, there were tears. The first time Lyuda has cried when saying goodbye to anyone. Oksana is wonderful, and our adoption was so much better having her help.

We headed back to our apartment for a little bit, but not for too long, as Lyuda’s godmother wanted to meet up with us.
20160421-_MG_9633

We first walked around a bit. I wanted to see if the festival of the eggs (pysanky) was set up yet. Not entirely, but we saw a bit.
20160421-_MG_9634

20160421-_MG_9644

We decided to take the metro to do a bit of shopping. We went back to Petrivka, where there are many markets and stands to shop at. I was hoping to find one last gift.
20160421-_MG_9653

Lyuda’s godparents bought her some new shoes, as well as a couple of other gifts. They were so sweet– they insisted on paying for the metro and buying us all dinner. We were glad for the opportunity to meet them. Her godmother said “thank you for adopting her. I am so happy!”

20160421-_MG_9659

Lastly, back to the apartment to pack. Lyuda has gotten a lot of phone calls tonight to say goodbye. There was a particularly adorable moment between her biological grandmother and my mom where they were saying “hi” to each other on the phone. What a special family that Lyuda brings together.

One Step Closer

We got one step, or more like one giant leap closer to coming home today. But, let me rewind and tell you about it.

We left our apartment before 7am to drive up to a small town, to “unregister” Lyuda. We arrived at the office at 8:30. They didn’t open until 9am. We walked around and took some photos.

The office where we needed to go.
20160420-_MG_9540

The library up the road.
20160420-_MG_9541

Inside the library.
20160420-_MG_9545

The polyclinic (doctor’s office).
20160420-_MG_9552

Once our facilitators could get in, we waited some more. When they finally came out, they looked frustrated. “We can’t unregister her because she’s not registered!” Aiyiyi. After making a few phone calls, they discovered that we needed a piece of paper that a family member had picked up yesterday.

This instantly made me nervous, because Lyuda and this family member don’t have the best relationship (no fault of Lyuda’s). Fortunately, we were able to get ahold of this person after a couple of calls to other family members. I could tell Lyuda wasn’t thrilled to call this person, but she sucked it up and demanded that they give us this paper. Oksana even commented on how Lyuda knew how to talk to them forcefully to get what we needed.

They agreed, but we had to drive an hour to go pick it up. Typical Ukrainian village road that we drove on today for a few hours. I don’t recommend Ukraine for the easily carsick.
20160420-_MG_9558

While waiting for this person to meet us, we saw a bunch of goats go for a walk.
20160420-_MG_9560

Once we had what we needed, we headed back to the registration office. Here are Oksana and Lyuda waiting for the good news that we got what we needed there.
20160420-_MG_9575

Then, we had to drive an hour to the passport office. It was 11:30am, and they closed at 1pm. Fortunately, it was just an hour away. Once we arrived, we waited some more, and with just about 2o minutes left in their working day, we were called into the office. I could see the passport on the desk, as I listened to Olya and the director of this office speaking. I so badly wanted to just grab it off the desk and get out of there. Fortunately, a few signatures later and it was ours.

Everyone, Lyuda especially, was thrilled to finally have our hands on this important document. It’s the key to going home. Lyuda could not stop smiling.
20160420-_MG_9577

Lastly, we had to drive back to Kyiv to get her medical exam file. We needed her passport before we could do this.

Here are a few of my favorite pictures from the drive back to Kyiv. This is true rural Ukraine.

A potato stand along the side of the highway.
20160420-_MG_9585

The massive deforestation happening everywhere we visited.
2016-04-20_0002

A pair of storks, in their nest on top of a street light. One also flew over our van as we were driving down the highway.
20160420-_MG_9594

Entering back into Kyiv oblast.
2016-04-20_0001

Taken for Reed, of course.
20160420-_MG_9596

We were able to pick up her medical file in Kyiv, and then we are done, until tomorrow when we will go to the embassy again. If we can get her visa tomorrow, as we should be able to do, we will be ready to go home!!

We walked around in the mall and stands under the Maidan tonight. We have seen this man with his impressive attire, mustache and hair. We gave him some money and took a photo. He really wanted us to be in the photo with him!
20160420-_MG_9603

Hopefully just two more sleeps in our apartment beds, and home we go!

More Walking

We didn’t have anything that we needed to do today, just another day of waiting for Lyuda’s passport.

We spent the morning waiting around for the building inspector to come do a test of the sewage system, and then another guy to come fix the TV. Once we could finally leave, we grabbed lunch at a very busy Puzata Hata.

From there, I had a little walk in mind.

Lyuda sitting down and sharing a drink with a statue.
20160419-_MG_9447

Back up Institutka, past the National Bank again.
20160419-_MG_9451

Director Lyuda.
20160419-_MG_9453

My mom wanted to see Mariyinsky Palace, the ceremonial residence of the President. Unfortunately, it was all under construction. However, we did see tons of soldiers boarding buses.
20160419-_MG_9458

We walked down another street, past many well-guarded government buildings.
20160419-_MG_9464

I wanted to go by the Dynamo Soccer stadium. For Reed.
20160419-_MG_9466-HDR

A memorial to Serhiy Nigoyan. He was the first protester shot and killed during the revolution in 2013/14. Have I told you to go watch the documentary Winter on Fire yet? It is a must see, although not kid friendly. Available on Netflix.
20160419-_MG_9467

Next we walked to the Friendship of Nations Arch, originally built during the USSR times, and now apparently a symbol of the friendship between Ukraine and Russia. It’s lit up in a rainbow at night, perfect for the anti-religion USSR and/or the homophobic Russia. Take your pick.
20160419-_MG_9469

The Friendship of Nations Arch is right along the Dnieper River, which you can zipline across. No thank you.
20160419-_MG_9470

Some cool graffiti found on our way back to our apartment. It says “United Colors of Ukraine”. On the left side is a coal mining hat, which represents the Donbas region, where Reed and Lena are from, an area which is currently the warzone. If you like these, you can see more here, use the arrows at the bottom to scroll through them.
20160419-_MG_9471

We only went back to our apartment for a few minutes for I made them go out again.

Statue with a migraine? I feel you, man.
20160419-_MG_9479

I wanted to go back to St. Michael’s Golden-Domed Monastery.
20160419-_MG_9493

Painting the trees. Wondering why? Read here. I’ve asked many Ukrainians and gotten the same answer.
20160419-_MG_9481

I wanted to take some pictures. She is eating sunflower seeds and staring me down.
20160419-_MG_9489

I had this picture in my head two weeks before I actually snapped it. The monk dressed in black, up against the bright blue walls. Some of the monks are older, with long hair and heavy beards. But there are many like this one, who are very young. In case you are also curious why the monks wear black.
20160419-_MG_9486

20160419-_MG_9504

A motorcycle, parked inside the belltower.
20160419-_MG_9506

We went back down the sculpture alley that we visited last week, but I was more into the murals than the sculptures today. Except that these guys needed to be photographed.
20160419-_MG_9519

Literally, the mural on the right depicts St. George slaying a dragon. However, but I think there’s a lot of symbolism here, as George is displayed as a Cossack, killing the greedy hands trying to take his land.
2016-04-19_0001
We visited a famous little hedgehog.
20160419-_MG_9524

We wrapped up the night with pizza and ice cream.
20160419-_MG_9531

To everyone knows that my mom doesn’t eat sugar or much dairy, that is bean cream (like ice cream but made from beans) in a dried papaya cone. 😉
20160419-_MG_9535

Apparently Lyuda’s passport is ready. However, we need to go to another town to do some additional paperwork before we can pick it up. We have an early morning planned, and a very busy day. Please pray that we can get it all done tomorrow, so that we can head home on Friday!
20160419-_MG_9537