All posts by Molly

Q&A 4/3/12

 “Would you prefer a predictable God who does things just as you think they should be done, or would you prefer an all-knowing God who sometimes baffles you?”

When I first read this question, I wasn’t sure if it was intended as a genuine question, or a rhetorical question intended as a prod that my whining is a bit out of line, or something else entirely. Then I saw who it was from. 🙂 Sometimes I forget it’s not my job to be in control. I think that life would be pretty boring if things always went as I planned and there was never anything greater in store. This whole adoption process has been a test of me letting go of control and practicing patience.. Apparently I need a lot of practice. Does that answer your question? I definitely prefer to be baffled.

“How do Reed and Lena compliment each other and/or drive each other crazy?”

When I thought about how I wanted to answer this question, I thought about our gotcha day, the day we took them from the orphanage. The day it stopped being just playtime for them and became real. Here is part of the blog post I wrote from the next day:

“Obviously, we love both of them and can’t imagine leaving either of them behind. But, I am SO glad that they have each other. In the car, just after leaving the orphanage, Ilya[Reed] was obviously upset. Lena reached over and started stroking his face. The two of them were a riot in the train cabin together. Going back and forth, teasing each other with food. Most of the time, they play very well together and seem to enjoy each others’ company. We are convinced that they are going to be the kind of siblings who are best friends.”

15 months later, this is still so true. I adore their relationship.

Reed is a natural leader and Lena is a natural follower. I think that helps a lot. They love to play together. They do fight over toys sometimes, or they fight for attention. They’re both human beings, so they obviously don’t always get along. But, they love each other A LOT and have a very close bond.

I was wondering if you and Aaron would consider having a biological child?

Well, this is an interesting topic. The question everyone wants the answer to, but I am not sure my answer will be satisfying. Aaron wants to have bio kids. I am kind of indifferent. I can’t really imagine having more than 3 kids. A year ago, I said I couldn’t imagine adopting again, so whatever I say may or may not happen. Sometimes I feel so adoption-centric that I forget we’re not normal and things we deal with are not typical of raising kids. That it would be a different experience with bio kids. For me, it still seems to be something way off in the distance.

My husband and I have been talking a lot about adoption versus having biological children and the unique challenges that a family has when they try and blend the two (which is what our plan is).  I would love to know your thoughts on the matter, and anything that you feel like sharing when it comes to the personal decisions that you and Aaron have made.

As long as we’ve known we were considering adoption, I’ve had this thought in my head. I think I’ve thrown everything I’ve ever thought out the window, the more families I meet. Once you adopt, your child is your child, no matter how they are added to your family. If we have bio kids, they will not share the same history as R, L & A. It’s hard for me to imagine adding a new person to our family who wouldn’t arrive out of a place of loss and hurt… an addition who wasn’t in some way, bittersweet. It really is weird for me to think about. If we decide to have bio children, I am not too worried about how that will go, apart from normal new sibling emotions. I think it would open up a lot of discussion about how families are formed and I think with thought and preparation, it could be a very healthy experience for everyone.

Have the 3 grey fur kids made anything for baby A?  

Just some holes in the backyard. I think they’re devising an obstacle course for him, to test how well he can walk. Oh, and they’ve been trying to get him a cat, but I keep thwarting those attempts.

And do you make them wear shoes too when you photograph them? (I’m picturing miss J in a pair of high heels for some reason;p)

Come on, Amy. We all know Josie is way more of an engineer boot kind girl. Or maybe minimalist sneakers. I can definitely see her rocking some Vibram Four-pads. In Hot pink. Cache is definitely the heel wearer in our family. I thought about taking a photo for you… and then I thought about it some more.

Any other questions?

Hi :)

I’m sorry I haven’t blogged in so long. I was sick for about a week there, and apart from that, blog posts just haven’t been coming to me. At least nothing I feel really compelled to share. We’ve had good days and bad days recently. I should update you on some fun things we’ve done sometime.

We’re all missing Baby A. Not a day goes by where we don’t talk about him. That’s actually not what we call him around our house; it’s not what R&L call him. I’ll have to share the name we’ve chosen for him sometime soon.

One thing I’ve been struggling with lately is jealously. We’ve watched families get their court date, travel to pick up their kids, receive referrals, while we wait. I am happy for families who are still making progress, but it is very frustrating for me sometimes. Especially if it is families who we were ahead of in the process before. Honestly, this adoption has been SO fast. I think the reason why waiting any longer is so hard for me is because of all of the ups and downs we’ve had. I feel like we need him home NOW before anything else changes.

We did have an opportunity to send him a little package earlier this week. Reed and Lena colored pictures for him and I took a picture of them with their pictures. I also included some photos of us together from our first trip, a little teether/rattle and a disposable camera. I’d love to get the camera back, filled with photos, but I figure it’s a long shot. I actually don’t know if any of this will reach him, but I hope the orphanage staff will see how much we love and miss him.
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This is the first photo I took of R&L. Then, I made them take a new one, with shoes on. 3/4s of our family likes to be barefoot. Who can guess the one who doesn’t?

Linny just posted asking for questions for a Q&A post. I am feeling so uninspired and I wonder if any of you might have questions for me– about our adoption process, how R&L are doing, or whatever? You can email me or comment and I’ll make a post answering questions. 🙂

Full

Life in the summer always feels so… full. Anyone else know what I mean? Sure, it’s only March, still technically winter, but between Daylight Savings Time and the 83 degree day we had today, it feels like summer.

On Monday, we didn’t have a car. Aaron’s truck wouldn’t start, so Maurice the Movie Van drove him to work. It totally threw off my plans for the day. But it was a beautiful day, and I realized that I had everything for sidewalk chalk paint. Equal parts water and cornstarch, plus a lot of food coloring.

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I didn’t have any paintbrushes, so they used old toothbrushes and sponges.

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Can you guess what I did?

The kids also wanted to get out their trikes and had little races in our driveway.

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I can almost hear her. “‘Es okay, Baby A. I gonna help you.” Don’t worry, we can buy a seatbelt for this trike.

They also decided to wash their bikes for awhile…

There’s a better video, but I’m too lazy to go upload it.

While the kids were busy doing that, I decided that I wanted to paint. They hadn’t painted in awhile. Of course, the second I sat down to paint, they wanted me to paint things for them. I had to demand some space to paint “I love Reed and Lena.” Then they each wanted me to paint them a heart, among other things.

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In case you’re wondering, the dogs were out enjoying it too.

Eventually, Aaron got home from work. His truck wasn’t going to be ready that day, so I asked him to fix the stroller so that we could walk over to Lena’s speech therapy the next day. R&L were totally fascinated by this, but I love this photo of them in particular.

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A few minutes later, I went in to figure out what dinner was going to be. And nearly right away, I heard screaming. Someone was running in the driveway and fell. Ouch.

We cuddled up for awhile and both fell asleep while the boys took the dogs out for a walk.

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“Audrey”

Ever see a face and feel like you should share it? I see lots of photos kids on different advocacy sites that I look at, but this face jumped out at me.   

Her story is sad: Audrey was born in August 2009. She is HIV+. She is shy with new people. She doesn’t like to go to sleep at night. She was taken into a foster-family for 3 or 4 months, but the husband was living in constant fear that the older biological boy would become infected and he would not even let her drink out of the same glass. Needless to say, that did not work out so now she is in need of a permanent adoptive family. She is from a decent baby house. She is serious and active. She likes to play pretend and put stuffed animals to bed (although she threatens them if they don’t go right to sleep!) She talks in 2 and 3 word phrases. When she was 1.6 years, her speech was evaluated at 1.3, so she is not far behind. Other areas of development are good. She has a strong character. She is a chubby girl with brown wavy hair and dark eyes – thought to be half Buryat. She likes playing in the bathtub. She is a mischievous girl. She had some tantrums while adjusting to her foster-family. Although that is common, the foster-family believed it was due to Audrey’s first year which was mostly spent in the hospital most-likely in a separate ward for HIV, so she might only been attended to for procedures. Audrey receives ARV treatment twice daily. She also takes daily medication for epilepsy and both conditions seem to be well controlled.

See more photos here and contact Bethany for more information.

Sweet Boy

I miss him. In many ways, those 5000 miles and all of those legal matters are everything, and in reality, they are nothing. My heart knows he’s ours.

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To explain the situation fully, there is a moratorium on adoptions in his region of his country. His country has a national government, which makes recommendations on adoption matters, but each region is left to decide individually what they will do. His region is one of 3 which is currently closed.

So, we wait. We do not know when it will re-open. Our court dossier is sitting in his city, waiting to be filed. We are waiting for the judges to begin hearing U.S. adoption court cases again. When they do, we will receive a court date, travel for his court, and assuming we pass court, return a month later to bring him home.

Please pray that the judges begin to hear court cases like ours again soon, our dossier is submitted and we receive a court date. 

I have been sharing some of the soundtrack of my life lately, so I’ll share this song with you too.