Opposite Sundays and Late Date Night

Do you remember my post about going to the beach last Sunday? Yesterday was like the opposite. I wanted to stay in, curled up in bed all day long.

But, I needed to go the store. The temperature read…
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But, I did see more of these guys. This picture reminds me of the picture I took a week earlier, but the setting was rather different. Sitting on a piece of drift wood in the middle of the river, on a 65 degree day. Or sitting in my car in Target’s parking lot on a 23 degree day. Hmm.
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Aaron and I decided to go on an improptu date night. Our amazing babysitter was happy to help us out, and we snuck out after the kids went to bed.

And then this happened. Pulled over. Ugh. We had a headlight out. The officer was super nice, and after checking our insurance and Aaron’s drivers license, he let us go with a warning and told us to enjoy the movie.
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After the movie, Aaron was insistent that he didn’t want to get pulled over again, so we made a late night Walmart stop and changed the bulb in the parking lot. Wow, what a date night, right?

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Since apparently this is a blog about my kids, I’ll share a few photos of them, too.

Just more after school photos.

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Girl has mastered the monkey bars officially. Sitting on top now.
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November 24, 2010: Part 1

I woke up entirely around 5am, wondering where on Earth, literally, we were. I listened at each of the stops, wanting some indication of our location. Time passed, 6 am, 7 am, 8 am, 9 am, 10 am, 11 am. We played cards and munched on snacks that we had packed, while I craned my neck to peer out the window at the foggy Ukrainian countryside.

The train stopped again, and this station was a bit busier. A woman smiled at me, then jolted, as gracefully as a person can, towards the train. We heard her talking to the conductor for a minute, before she came to our car, instructing us to gather our luggage in a hurry. She introduced herself as Sasha. “I knew it was you right away. They told me you looked very young. And, you look American… so, apartment or baby house first?”

Sasha is awesome. Warm, friendly. Ukrainians, along with Russians and other Eastern Europeans, are known for their stoicism. Their smiles are rare and only if truly earned. I think this is a wonderful idea, more honest than our American plastic smiles. But, Sasha has mastered the art of connecting with Americans with the warm smile and kind chatter that we need. We both instantly felt comfortable with her.

We picked apartment. Perhaps it sounds silly, to pick before the much-awaited baby house trip, but I was desperate to change out of my going on 26-hour outfit. Oh, and a bathroom. Maybe TMI, but if you’ve ever tried to pee in a Eastern European train bathroom, I know you understand.
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A quick trip to drop off our stuff and change, before we began our long, exciting day of many stops. By this point, nerves were boiling up. What if they said we were too young. What if the kids hated us. What if we didn’t react appropriately at our first meeting.

First, we had to meet a social worker. We went to a large building, almost resembling a university building, up a flight of stairs and were instructed to sit and wait. Waited a bit longer, while Sasha made small talk. I can’t imagine I was much for conversation, with all of the nerves. The social worker was out to lunch, so we’d have to wait a bit longer. Just a few minutes more and we were pulled into her office.

This is one of those moments were culture shock struck me hard. First, the social worker was beautiful. But, far more made up than what you would see in an American office. Her nails, her hair, her jewelry. Please understand, this is not a judgement, only an observation. But, I think her style would have given her some trouble in an American office.

The next culture shock, the escalating voices, eventually yelling. I knew this was how Ukrainians communicate, but it still left me wondering if something was wrong. Was the social worker saying we were not suitable and Sasha was arguing back? This went on for a couple of minutes, before Sasha began translating for us. The questions were mild, about us, where we lived, our age, too, but the social worker was pleased with us.

She gather some papers, and now, we all headed back out to the car, social worker included, where we piled in. Aaron, Sasha and I squished in the back, social worker up front with the driver. Ukrainians have no issues squishing in a car.

This was it, off to the baby house. Twists and turns and bumpy roads. We had seen a bit of Ukraine, but now for the real stuff. Babushkas, bundled up, slogging up the side of dirty roads. Laundry lines hung on balconies. Women in heels and mini-skirts traipsing up tree-lined streets to important looking buildings. Children bundled up in every possible layer of clothing. Wild dogs, looking more cold and hungry than dangerous. Each day of our trip to Ukraine, we saw all of these sights and more, but it was incredible to see it all for the first time.
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(This is not my photo– click for source. This is likely not even Ukraine, but is a similar sight to what we saw.)

The trip to the baby house took us out of the bigger city of Donetsk into the neighboring, industrial city of Makiivka. You could almost see the change as we slowed down a bit for the train tracks and passed by a blue and white sign, defining the border. Up a small hill, then down a street. The pavement breaking up down, our driver dodging pot holes, babushkas and wild dogs. Then, another turn, onto a dirt road. Slowing down to let the three men in leather jackets, with cigarettes in their hands, move off to the side. Passing by two dogs, one black and white with longing eyes. And slowing down for the finally turn.

Past the bare trees and the colorful playground equipment to our right, there stood the baby house.
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Except that you approach it from the other side, but I do not have a photo of that.

It’s amazing that I could climb out of the car, my nerves as wild as they were. Out of the car, through the two heavy sets of doors. Then, upstairs. Two flights, I think. Then down a hall to the director’s office. But, the director was on holiday, a vacation. So, to meet the head doctor and deputy director instead. Another thing that may be botched in my memory now, but I think her name is Ludmila.

It’s funny I don’t remember her name, because I am fond of that woman. The first thing you notice is her presence. Strong, firm and intimidating. But, the second thing that you notice is her smile. Another rare, warm smile. So genuinely happy to see someone here for her children.

She sat us down and read us their files. Before they brought the children in, so that we could focus. This was a bit of a game, her reading, Sasha translating. And Sasha saying “do you understand? do you know this word?” Often, it was a bit of charades before we’d realize it was only her accent, not the medical terminology that was confusing us. We had a bit of apprehension when we had been read Lena’s file in Kiev, based on some of the language that was in it, but hearing these records put us at ease. Nothing too scary.

We finished up the records and waited, awkward small talk filling the silence. Then, a knock on the door.

To be continued. Like that suspense there?

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

3 years ago, we met Reed and Lena for the first time. I realized that I never took the time to blog about our early days in Ukraine, before we met them. I blogged a bit about our time in Kiev, but I never went into great detail about the day we met them, because I was so eager to share about our actual first meeting. So, I am choosing now, before I forget to share this with you and even more so, to put it down to share with Reed and Lena some day.

I am going to start with the day before we met them, Tuesday, November 23, 2010. I am going to break these 2 days up into 3 blog posts, and this is going to be the most boring– my apologies. The photos in this blog post are not my own. I will use photos from Flickr and if you would like to see the source of the photos, you can click on them.

We realized shortly after arriving in Ukraine that Aaron had forgotten his gloves. In late November, the weather was still pretty mild, a lot like it usually is here. Jacket weather, but hat and gloves not quite necessary yet. But, we knew it would get much colder over the duration of our trip, so we knew we had to find a pair.

We asked the advice of our new friends who were on their second Ukrainian adoption. They were very familiar with Kiev and offered to take us out the next day to a cheap, warehouse-type store to find gloves. So, that’s how we spent our Tuesday, waiting to pick up our referrals and taking the subway in Kiev with Meredith and Mike. It was a totally rainy, gross day. We took the subway to a huge store, sort of resembling a Costco, right next to Hillsong Kiev.

Ukraine Kiev Subway Platform

 

(a Kiev subway station.)

 

After finding gloves and picking up a few other items, we had lunch at McDonalds. Mike and Meredith took us back on the subway and walked us back to our apartment, where we hastily packed things up so that we could go get our referrals and hop on the train. Our friends wished us well and left us to prepare.

4pm. We hauled all of our stuff down the several flights of stairs from our apartment– I think we were on the 4th floor. No elevator. We drug it all outside, into the now-cold, dusk fall air. And waited. Time ticked by. Another set of new friends, Patty and Tom, who would also be going to pick up their referral called us to see if we knew where our driver was. Nope. So, we waited some more and it grew colder as the evening turned to total darkness. We eventually piled our suitcases in the tiny alcove just inside the door of the apartment building and took turns standing outside. It was around 5, an hour after our designated pick-up time, when our driver pulled up. Patty and Tom were already in the car, so we to squish to all fit in the little SUV.

The race was on. We were supposed to be there by 5:30 and Kiev is a big city with horrible traffic. It’s really quite beautiful by night, old buildings all lit up, but the traffic is awful. Stop, go, jerk one direction, jerk the other, stop, go some more. We finally pulled into the SDA, what the building where you received referrals, closer to 6 now. Our driver banged on the door. No answer. He banged on another door. No answer. Tom, Patty, Aaron and I stood around nervously, wondering if we would get the needed paperwork. Our driver banged some more and finally someone came to the door. They argued in Russian for a minute, then he said they would let us get our referrals. Phew.

All we had to do was show our passports and sign our names. We were handed a bulky packet of papers. Perfect! We tucked them in a safe place, waited for our friends to do the same, and we were off once more. We made another stop for our driver– I’m not sure where, before heading to the train station. We were going to take a train leaving just after 7.

Kiev Central Train Station

Our driver picked up our tickets while we consumed more McDonalds with Patty and Tom. A fully packed McDonalds on a Tuesday night. I remember having a conversation with a stranger, perhaps in the military and something about family in New Jersey, but it’s very possible that I made that part up, mixed in with all of the craziness of that week.

After we were done at McDonalds, we were off to the train. I love train stations. Something about all of adventure and the history. But, I was glad we had our driver to guide us to our train and help us find our room. They were sold out of second class, so our driver had to buy us (at our expense, of couse) first class tickets instead.
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Saying goodbye to the driver, sitting down on the little train beds, was such a relief. Here we were, able to just sit, in privacy, for the next several hours. We took off our shoes and extra layers and pulled out a deck of cars, to play on the tiny table. The first class train car was really quite nice.

We enjoyed the quiet for awhile, to play cards and just talk, before we decided to go to sleep. 9:30, I still remember that detail, oddly enough.

In theory, sleeping on the train isn’t bad. If I had my pick of long-distance travel methods, that would be it. You can stretch out and relax, in privacy. Two little beds, all to ourselves. The usually-gentle sway of the train is lovely.

However, we did not sleep well.  No one had told us how long the train ride would be, what time we would arrive, or how we would know to get off. Mike and Meredith told us they thought it was about 12 or 13 hours to our destination. But, what if it was less?

As the night passed, the train regularly slowed and light poured in from outside. There would be an announcement in Russian about where we were and the train would come to a complete stop. Occasionally, it would get noisy, with the sounds of suitcases and voices as people got on and off the train.

To be continued tomorrow, with the next day’s adventures.

Mint or Caramel?

We had Aaron’s sister, brother and brother-in-law over for dinner tonight. With no time to grocery shop this week, Aaron working today and my lack of desire to take 3 kids shopping on a Saturday, I resigned myself to ordering pizza. And baking something that we had the ingredients for.

That left the important question.
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But, as I pulled out ingredients, I realized that I did not have what I needed for brownies. No cocoa for my favorite brownie recipe. However, we did have unsweetened chocolate. I found this recipe, and decided to give it a try.

First, you have to melt the chocolate and butter in a double boiler.
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Melted buttery and chocolate goodness.
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Meanwhile, I recommend setting your refrigerated ingredients out. Let them warm up to room temperature. Always a good idea when baking. One of your eggs might even roll off the counter and then you can blog about it. Imperfect Saturdays. It’s a thing.
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Add some sugar, but don’t make the mistake I made. Stop daydreaming and pay attention to how many cups you are adding. In the end, I figured it out, but boy was I worried for a few minutes there.
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Once you’ve added all of the ingredients for the brownies, put them into pans. I decided that I can’t let anyone down and took a bit of the batter and turned it into mint brownies. You can do this with mint chips, mint Oreos and/or mint extract. Whatever minty stuff you’ve got. Except gum. Or toothpaste. Skip those.
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You should definitely do all of this while listening to one of the Doctor Who soundtrack albums. Since today’s the 50th anniversary of the first episode today, that is essential.
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Letting your kids watch a movie while you bake might buy you some peace.
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While you wait, wait, wait, you can sit on the floor with your dog.
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After you are done with the brownies, you still need to make the best part– caramel. At this point, I realized I had no cream. So, I followed this easy recipe for caramel with milk and butter. Yum.

After pouring the caramel on your brownies, you still have the difficult question left.

Mint or caramel?
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Imperfect Fridays

Imperfect Fridays. It’s a thing.

Okay, okay, it’s not a thing yet. It’s a thing that I’m starting.

Last Friday, I shared about my struggles with depression. It resonated with many of you and I got lots of feedback that even if it didn’t resonate with you, many of you told me it it was a brave thing to do.

Imperfect Fridays is my attempt to do a much milder version of that every week. I spend 6 days sharing carefully composed and edited photos with you, and I want to take at least one day to show you something that hasn’t had all of the gritty edited out. What makes me a tad bit uncomfortable or even embarrassed. Because you’re a real person, too, right? And because life is imperfect.

We women can be really good at showing each other just enough to make each other jealous, and my goal is to do a bit less of that.

Welcome to my messy life.

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I took this photo before I had the idea to share my Imperfect Fridays with you, but it still hints at some imperfection. Food on the table, instead of his plate, which of course, was him, not me. A sliver of laundry baskets in the kitchen. They practically live there. And, Reed and Lena’s art baskets to the right, with their other random papers shoved in front of them. Baskets help conceal some of the mess.

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Lunch with a 2 year old. Food all over the table. And his shirt. I’m okay with that. There’s no place like home, even when your home needs to be cleaned.

What I originally planned to share today, and this is too cute not to share… Aaron taught Gus “Talk to the Hand.” That was the cool thing to say when I was in elementary school. Gus’s attitude lately is a casual “nope”, so “Talk to the Hand” is very true to him.
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I know someone out there won’t believe my sweet, quiet husband taught him this. Here’s proof.
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So, Imperfect Fridays. Anyone else want to help me make it a thing?

The best part may be that you can forget to share, and that’s a perfectly Imperfect Friday.