My dear little man,

I had a moment of panic tonight… actually, I won’t lie, I’ve been panicking the last few days. What business do we have adding a third child to our family when I am so stressed right now, as a family of 4? Fortunately, I have a dear friend who spoke truth to me and a God who can put my heart right again.

After I was praying tonight, I was flipping through my prayer journal for a particular verse, but before I could get there, I found your list of medical diagnoses. It’s the only page of my prayer journal I have used for anything but prayer; I wrote them down when I was trying to memorize complex medical terms for court, with no other paper on hand.

I had forgotten. I had forgotten all of those labels someone has attached to you, all the things “wrong” with you. Big scary words– even though everything on that list is harmless, they still label you with them. But, I had forgotten about your convergent squint and delay of motor and pre-speech development and all the other terms.

To me, you are just my baby boy, Gus, August Andrey, loved, amazing, ours. The child of two parents who adore you. A child of God. 

That’s how I see you, that’s how my heart knows you.

I learned so much from you in that moment.

In a world, where I see all the things wrong with me, all of my failures, all of the ways that I’ll never be enough, all of the labels I’ve given myself and let others give me, all of the burdens I gather up daily…

that’s not how our God sees me. No, He doesn’t first look to my labels of what’s wrong with me. He doesn’t see me as messy, or fat, or… no, He loves me, like I love you. He knows me as His child, like I know you as mine.

Whoa.

Love,

your mama

Just 5 days left and then forever together.

P.S. That verse I was looking for?

But He said to me,

“My grace is sufficient for you,

for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,

so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9