Tag Archives: introspection

Good Morning, Mama

arches

Good morning, mama.

I’m guessing yesterday didn’t go quite like you hoped. Maybe you forgot to use your gentle voice as you told someone “gentle hands.” Maybe you slept through your alarm and someone was late for school. Maybe you didn’t get the dishes/laundry/dinner done quite like you planned. Maybe your day went incredibly well, but still, bedtime still ended in tears.

I want you to know that you are loved and beautiful, apart from all the mistakes you made. All of your successes and all of your mistakes, no matter how big or how small, aren’t a factor in this. You are beautiful and you are loved, because you are a child of God. Created in his image.

Again, today, you will make mistakes.

It’s okay! You are not perfect. You were never made to be perfect in this world.

In fact, there’s no perfect answer. No right answer. None of us could do your job correctly, at least not every minute. This isn’t a math problem or some mechanics that need to be repaired. There’s no manual. No parenting book can walk you through this entirely. No expert can always give you the perfect advice. No, you are a human, and you are caring for, loving, carefully raising a human. A unique, beautiful, loved, fearfully and wonderfully made person. This is a journey, like training for a marathon, each step strengthening you to make your next. And you are not alone.

You were made to run this race with God, to take this adventure each day with God. To grow with God. To seek God and learn to love like God loves you. You were made to rely on God.

So, today, persist. You will make mistakes again. It’s part of parenting– it’s part of all life, in fact. Pray. Forgive yourself and let go. Learn. Begin again.

You can do this. Press on.

Love,

me

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

Missing out on what?

This was not part of my plan. I did not want to parent 3 children before my 25th birthday, nor did I ever imagine I could. Sometimes, I feel crazy… actually, I always feel crazy when someone asks me my age, or when I am with people my own age. Yes, I am 24, and my husband and I have adopted 3 kids internationally. Yes, it is crazy. No, it was never part of MY plan. That’s what I often want to say, sort of shrugging off my own participation in the matter.

But, no, you know what’s crazy?

Missing out on this…
Untitled
or this,
Photo on 2012-01-13 at 17.40 #7

or this.
Untitled

My best moments aren’t spent being 24, being carefree or whatever 24 year olds do… my best moments are spent with these 3, loving these 3 and being loved by them.

Missing out on the way Gus runs into my arms and slobbers all over my face. Missing out on Lena’s tender hugs, which make me feel like the most special person in the world. Missing out on Reed’s silly jokes, which make me laugh until my stomach hurts.

I won’t lie… there is a cost– a cost to adoption and a cost to parenting, but the reward?

Photo on 2012-02-02 at 17.49 #4
Extravagant.

“I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy. I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it.” -Art Williams

The Art of Losing Myself

“Rain is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us…
I believe in a peace that flows deeper than pain
That broken find healing in love”
-Sara Groves, No Good Thing

I am hurting today. I do not understand all that we’ve been through in the last 7 months, and all that we have yet to go through. And why. I do not understand God’s timing. I don’t understand why our family was chosen for this path. I miss Baby A. And I miss the simplicity, the way things were, before we began this journey.

“Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing You praise
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame.”
-Hillsong, From the Inside Out

One foot in front of the other. Following. Even though I have no clue where we’re going.

Happy Easter.

Hi :)

I’m sorry I haven’t blogged in so long. I was sick for about a week there, and apart from that, blog posts just haven’t been coming to me. At least nothing I feel really compelled to share. We’ve had good days and bad days recently. I should update you on some fun things we’ve done sometime.

We’re all missing Baby A. Not a day goes by where we don’t talk about him. That’s actually not what we call him around our house; it’s not what R&L call him. I’ll have to share the name we’ve chosen for him sometime soon.

One thing I’ve been struggling with lately is jealously. We’ve watched families get their court date, travel to pick up their kids, receive referrals, while we wait. I am happy for families who are still making progress, but it is very frustrating for me sometimes. Especially if it is families who we were ahead of in the process before. Honestly, this adoption has been SO fast. I think the reason why waiting any longer is so hard for me is because of all of the ups and downs we’ve had. I feel like we need him home NOW before anything else changes.

We did have an opportunity to send him a little package earlier this week. Reed and Lena colored pictures for him and I took a picture of them with their pictures. I also included some photos of us together from our first trip, a little teether/rattle and a disposable camera. I’d love to get the camera back, filled with photos, but I figure it’s a long shot. I actually don’t know if any of this will reach him, but I hope the orphanage staff will see how much we love and miss him.
Untitled

This is the first photo I took of R&L. Then, I made them take a new one, with shoes on. 3/4s of our family likes to be barefoot. Who can guess the one who doesn’t?

Linny just posted asking for questions for a Q&A post. I am feeling so uninspired and I wonder if any of you might have questions for me– about our adoption process, how R&L are doing, or whatever? You can email me or comment and I’ll make a post answering questions. 🙂

Sweet Boy

I miss him. In many ways, those 5000 miles and all of those legal matters are everything, and in reality, they are nothing. My heart knows he’s ours.

Untitled

To explain the situation fully, there is a moratorium on adoptions in his region of his country. His country has a national government, which makes recommendations on adoption matters, but each region is left to decide individually what they will do. His region is one of 3 which is currently closed.

So, we wait. We do not know when it will re-open. Our court dossier is sitting in his city, waiting to be filed. We are waiting for the judges to begin hearing U.S. adoption court cases again. When they do, we will receive a court date, travel for his court, and assuming we pass court, return a month later to bring him home.

Please pray that the judges begin to hear court cases like ours again soon, our dossier is submitted and we receive a court date. 

I have been sharing some of the soundtrack of my life lately, so I’ll share this song with you too.