Tag Archives: introspection

The Art of Losing Myself

“Rain is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us…
I believe in a peace that flows deeper than pain
That broken find healing in love”
-Sara Groves, No Good Thing

I am hurting today. I do not understand all that we’ve been through in the last 7 months, and all that we have yet to go through. And why. I do not understand God’s timing. I don’t understand why our family was chosen for this path. I miss Baby A. And I miss the simplicity, the way things were, before we began this journey.

“Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing You praise
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame.”
-Hillsong, From the Inside Out

One foot in front of the other. Following. Even though I have no clue where we’re going.

Happy Easter.

Hi :)

I’m sorry I haven’t blogged in so long. I was sick for about a week there, and apart from that, blog posts just haven’t been coming to me. At least nothing I feel really compelled to share. We’ve had good days and bad days recently. I should update you on some fun things we’ve done sometime.

We’re all missing Baby A. Not a day goes by where we don’t talk about him. That’s actually not what we call him around our house; it’s not what R&L call him. I’ll have to share the name we’ve chosen for him sometime soon.

One thing I’ve been struggling with lately is jealously. We’ve watched families get their court date, travel to pick up their kids, receive referrals, while we wait. I am happy for families who are still making progress, but it is very frustrating for me sometimes. Especially if it is families who we were ahead of in the process before. Honestly, this adoption has been SO fast. I think the reason why waiting any longer is so hard for me is because of all of the ups and downs we’ve had. I feel like we need him home NOW before anything else changes.

We did have an opportunity to send him a little package earlier this week. Reed and Lena colored pictures for him and I took a picture of them with their pictures. I also included some photos of us together from our first trip, a little teether/rattle and a disposable camera. I’d love to get the camera back, filled with photos, but I figure it’s a long shot. I actually don’t know if any of this will reach him, but I hope the orphanage staff will see how much we love and miss him.

This is the first photo I took of R&L. Then, I made them take a new one, with shoes on. 3/4s of our family likes to be barefoot. Who can guess the one who doesn’t?

Linny just posted asking for questions for a Q&A post. I am feeling so uninspired and I wonder if any of you might have questions for me– about our adoption process, how R&L are doing, or whatever? You can email me or comment and I’ll make a post answering questions. 🙂

Sweet Boy

I miss him. In many ways, those 5000 miles and all of those legal matters are everything, and in reality, they are nothing. My heart knows he’s ours.


To explain the situation fully, there is a moratorium on adoptions in his region of his country. His country has a national government, which makes recommendations on adoption matters, but each region is left to decide individually what they will do. His region is one of 3 which is currently closed.

So, we wait. We do not know when it will re-open. Our court dossier is sitting in his city, waiting to be filed. We are waiting for the judges to begin hearing U.S. adoption court cases again. When they do, we will receive a court date, travel for his court, and assuming we pass court, return a month later to bring him home.

Please pray that the judges begin to hear court cases like ours again soon, our dossier is submitted and we receive a court date. 

I have been sharing some of the soundtrack of my life lately, so I’ll share this song with you too.


Obviously, I’ve been taking some time away from blogging (and most other internet communication– if I haven’t emailed you back!). No news.

I can pretend everything is okay here, and I’m just trusting God in this situation. And enjoying life in the mean time. That’s what I’d really LIKE to be doing. But, that’s not where my heart is.

We had trouble getting our first set of paperwork done back in October. Just silly little mistakes, but I thought we might not get the paperwork off as quickly as I felt we needed to. Silly little mistakes like a notary not stamping a page is a HUGE deal, when your husband works all day long an hour away and you need to get this apostilled that day.

Fortunately, it worked out. As I drove away from the notary’s office, headed to Topeka to get everything apostilled, I heard this song on the radio. It spoke to me then. To the point that I can tell you I was turning left onto 6th street in front of Walmart when I first heard it.

Earlier this week, someone shared it on Facebook, and it speaks to me right now.