I have not been writing much lately. I have a hard time writing when I am stressed. Everything seems to come out negative or frustrated and I have a tendency to say things which just aren’t honest, valuable, or uplifting. I don’t shoot for all of those things in every post, but I try to at least find one– especially honest.

Life is stressful. Having someone’s life in your hands 24/7  is a big deal, especially someone tiny and sneaky who seems hell-bent on putting himself in the most danger possible. I find parenting so hard and sometimes I question whether or not I am really cut out for it. I get angry, frustrated, and tired often. I am weak and tell myself that I am not enough.

Last night, I was praying about that, and I wanted to share something that I wrote…

I ask God, “did I hear you wrong? Did you create me for this life?” 

I dare to question if I am capable, instead of resting on and seeking counsel in my creator, my husband’s creator, my children’s creator, my friends’ creator– the creator of all things and the author of all of our stories. 

I can tell God that I am not able. I can let go of any of my own weaknesses and my own strong will and instead ask him to work in me and through me.

I can chose to never be more than I am today. I can chose to “stay stuck” as a friend of mine would say. Or, I can chose to be more. Simon to Peter. Saul to Paul. They could have held on to their weaknesses and never grown into who Christ called them to be. Simon Peter could have given up and only been known for his denial of Christ, but instead he became the rock of the church. And Paul could have lived in guilt over his persecution of Christians, instead of sharing the gospel throughout the Roman empire. What would the church and the gospel be without Peter and Paul?

I am human. And it is okay for me to make mistakes. But, it is not okay for me to know myself by them and build my life around my mistakes.

So, I am choosing to be more. I am choosing to belong to a kingdom that is not of this world. I am choosing not to limit myself, but to let Christ renew and change me.

This is one of my favorite verses, and I know I’ve shared it a few times before, but I need to share it again.

But he said to me: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That’s why I delight in the weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13