I just saw that I have some more questions in the comments. I will do another Q&A post tomorrow or Monday, so leave me your questions, please!
Category Archives: Everyday Life
Ilya
Since his birthday was earlier this week, I’ll share with you a bit about Ilya.
This kid is hilarious. He talks constantly (and loudly) in Russian and now in English too. He has already figured out that when mom asked him what happened/what he did/what he is about to do (as in when I suspect him of trouble), the right answer is “ummmmm.” He picks up English like crazy, understands most of what I say to him, and will repeat whatever I tell him to (and a lot of what I don’t tell him to). He also easily retains his from day to day, like asking me for “more clementines, please”. Today he walked out of the room and said “I’ll be back” in perfect English and Aaron and I turned and looked at each other, “did he just saying that?” I asked “did you teach him that today?” “No, but I say it to him sometimes.” We both tell him that when we leave the room, hoping he’d pick up on the meaning and now he is saying it to us too!
He is very creative, like deciding his hooded towel made him a Babushka, or a piece of string on the floor is a “simia” (a snake).
He already learned the ABC song and sings it whenever we wash our hands and randomly throughout the day too. He also knows most of the signs and songs from our signing time videos now too.
He is very affectionate and loves it when his papa gets home. I usually say “Papa’s home” and he looks at me in disbelief. Then, he runs to the back door and keeps running back and forth telling me “Papa! Papa!” He is also a loving and protective brother!
He also loves our dogs now. He sometimes even shuts the backdoor (we have a doggie door in our screen door) to keep the dogs inside. Or tries to let the dogs out of their crates when mama is busy! Lena is still scared of the dogs, so he holds them and tells her “nice donkeys. nice donkeys.”
He was rocking Nina, the dog sitting on the chair, just before I took this video. Pushing the chair for her. I am not sure that she appreciated it.
Ilya really is such a special boy. He is still struggling with our rules and expectations at times, but he has adjusted to having a family so well and easily.
Happy Birthday, Ilya!
Today is Ilya’s 4th birthday! We are celebrating it with a few wonderful friends tonight.
But, this morning, I looked up the Russian birthday song on youtube. And after one try, I found the birthday song which Ilya clearly knows and LOVES. He got so excited.
This is him being a “babushka” last night, in his hooded towel after a bath. Calling himself a “babushka” was all him!
Hard Day
Today has been a no good, very bad day, as Alexander might call it.
One of those days where you’re woken up in the middle of the night for a potty break, but someone still soaks his diaper and gets the bed and pajamas wet. The kind of day where stick things explode all over you and the counter tops and it’s only 8am, so good luck finding time for a shower. You can’t get the caps off of bottles and your husband has already gone to work.
Then you call tons of doctor’s offices and your insurance company. And still don’t have a single appointment scheduled by 4pm. Because you can’t get a real person and have to leave a message.
Someone won’t swallow her carrots and won’t spit them out either. Just wants to scream with carrots in her mouth. Until she spits them out onto the bed, when she is supposed to be laying down for a nap. And she screams for an hour.
And then finally, both kids nap and you go to shower. And, you hop out of the shower and someone is screaming. This time the easier kid, but he won’t go back to sleep. And then the dogs bark. So, dogs in their crates. And the boy still won’t sleep. Then, papa comes home and the dogs start whining because they heard him. And you leave the boy alone while you talk to the papa and then the boy starts crying because he has to poop. And then the papa takes the boy to the bathroom. So you let the dogs out, and they bark again and then the screaming girl wakes up.
But then, the papa takes both kids and both dogs and goes out and you actually have a few minutes to sit and breathe.
Seriously, that was my day. Ugh. When Lena woke up crying, I just started crying. Her nap was too short. They need naps. Both of them were falling asleep in the evening yesterday.
Lena screams and cries A LOT. She is grieving and angry. It might sound odd, if you don’t know what I mean, but it’s normal for adopted kids to grieve all of their losses– previous life, birth parents, etc. Even if what they have now is better than where they were. The truth is, grief and anger, isn’t pretty on anyone. Especially a 3 year old who can’t communicate it. It really comes out whenever she NEEDS something. Needs a nap. Needs food. Needs to potty. I can’t imagine all of her emotions right now. From our perspective, it is pretty miserable too. To be on the receiving end of all of her grief and anger. Even just to watch her mourn.
Ilya is the total opposite. Lots of people told us he was guaranteed to be harder, being older and a boy. I may be jinxing myself here, but he is doing extremely well. He does have his moments, but generally, he seems unscathed. When he was crying today, after I took my shower, he obviously had been crying for a few minutes. Saying “mama”. And I walked in there and he reached out for me to pick him up. I cuddled with him and kissed him and he was fine again. Totally fine, ready to roll around and play. He loves being cuddled and kissed and picked up and held. Yes, he gets upset when he can’t have his way, or when he’s tired or hungry, but he doesn’t seem to carry that grief and anger that Lena does. Sometimes he seems like the ignorant ideal of adoption, a kid who is incredibly grateful to have a mama and a papa. And sometimes it seems like I must have just hit my head too hard and he is our bio kid who has been here for the past four years. Like how he teases me after I kiss his forehead by wiping the kisses off.
I wanted to share how both of them are doing with you. Lena because I think what we’re going through with her is normal. It is common and it is brutal. With Ilya, I want to share it because I want more people to consider the boys. To know that all boys are not as hard as many think they are and maybe there is a waiting little boy who will slip into your family just as easily.
Q&A 1/2/11
Are Lena and Ilya also going to have American names?
I was thinking they were Scarlett and Reid?
Yes, they do have American names… Reed and Scarlett. But we are going to call them Ilya and Lena for as long as they like. They don’t know about their other names yet, and we have no plans for a transition. We love their Ukrainian names, but wanted them to have the option of a name which sounds more American when they get to public school. Especially for Ilya, as Ilya is a very Russian name and sounds a bit effeminate to some. Their new names are their first names and their Ukrainian names are their middle names. The name that they want to be called will always be up to them!
Were you allowed to interact with or observe any of the other children at 33? there is a specific child I am interested in…and I could email you privately and tell you the situation. I would love your input on the size of the institution, the area and your general thoughts.
I shared about this more on our travel blog, but everyday, we’d see the older kids groupa, the kids age 3-5, walk by after their music class. We also spent some time with “James” one day. Feel free to email me with your questions. MMorris87@gmail.com. The orphanage is decent. The children get good care there and I really enjoyed the region we were in, for the most part.
Were your children already familiar with one another? Not sure if children are separated by age into different rooms, etc.
They knew each other, but did not seem to know each other very well. I think this worked out for the best. They play nicely together and get along, interact with each other, etc. A concern with adopting two children from the same orphanage is that they may have had to compete for resources in the past, but that is not the case with them.
How was the flight home? I missed out on the travel blog! 🙂
We had three flights. The first two were not fun at all. The first was hard because the kids were wide awake and antsy. And we had three seats and then one. So Aaron took both kids since I had not slept at all. The second was our terribly long flight. They slept but it still got rough. I can’t blame them, but that was hard. We should not have seated them right next to each other either. The third was pretty good. We had two seats and two seats. That worked best. Lena slept most of the flight and Ilya was okay too.
What are your thoughts on your children´s Ukrainian heritage, do you mean to keep Ukrainian traditions
We’d love to keep up some of the traditions, but we want to use traditions which we can do as a whole family. Like St. Nicholas’ day and other Ukrainian holidays. I’d love ideas if anyone has them for traditions which are easy to do as a whole family.
What are your observtions of Ukraine in general.
Sometimes Ukraine would seem just like the United States and other times I’d feel like we had stepped back 50 years. There are lots of things which seem weird to me, but that is my perspective as a Western observer, who does not understand their customs. There are other things which are brilliant and we ought to implement here in the United States. Like paying for plastic bags at the grocery store or tunnels underground to cross busy streets or wearing the same outfit a few days in a row.
How is the attatchment going
It’s hard. Ilya and Aaron definitely have a bond. Ilya gets so excited when Aaron gets home from work and so sad when he leaves. He clings to Aaron whenever there are new people around. Lena and I seem to have a bond too. Honestly, it’s hard to tell. She calls for me sometimes. “Mama? Mama?” I can’t really speak for Aaron and Lena, because like I said, I have a hard time judging even our bond. Ilya and I are working on it. It helps when Aaron is gone. Both kids just soak up affection. Ilya likes to be a silly boy and wipe off my kisses, but he just lights up when he gets hugs and kisses. Lena is the same. Obviously attachment is hard from their perspective. It’s possible they’ve never had a strong attachment to another person. It’s hard from mine too. It’s hard falling in love with someone who treats you very poorly much of the time. I think you other adoptive parents may know what I mean.
My question relates to akopp’s, have y’all been to a dr. in the US yet? Any plan of action yet?
We have not. Obviously, this last week, the only week we’ve been home for, was that nutty week between Christmas and New Years. We wanted to give the kids some time to settle in too, before they’re poked and prodded. I am eager for their medical tests and to make sure that they are healthy. I’ll let you know how that goes when they happen.
I deleted a few questions, because I do not feel comfortable answering them publicly. Shoot me an email to find out what’s up and I may answer them privately. MMorris87@gmail.com. I will try to do a Q&A once a week if I continue to get questions.
a moose in moscow 