Good Blog Posts

In my blog posts, there are two things that I really want to be… upbeat and real. Real about the challenges we deal with, but upbeat about them. I think it is important for me to be honest, for other families who have adopted or are adopting. But, I also think it is important to be upbeat, to keep myself upbeat about and to see the best in our situation.

You know how they always say marriage is work? Adoption, attachment, it’s work. The good kind of work, like marriage, but sometimes it just feels like WORK. Fortunately, it’s a job that is hard to get fired from, ’cause there are days when I most certainly think I’d get fired. Like when Lena burst into major tears TWICE this morning for no obvious reason. Or when Ilya put his hands in the toilet the other day, for no obvious reason. No, no one else was playing in the bathroom at the time.

There are three blog posts, which if you are recently home or in the process, are worth reading. There are so many emotions at play with adoption, the children’s, but also the parents. I think we conveniently ignore the parents’ emotions a lot, because they are typically not as intense as the child’s. And because they’re not pretty. They’re really not something people want to talk about. Fortunately there are a few people who are brave enough to be transparent (I totally just ripped that word off from Kelly). Some of my biggest comfort these days is reading other people’s blogs, people who are going or have been through it.

Why Can’t I Love My Adopted Child? I want to write something about this post, but I just can’t find the words. The first comment, by tereasa, just makes me want to cry. “Perhaps the most painful part is knowing that everyone else loves that child because they don’t see the behaviors or because they only get it in small doses. It is a very lonely place.” 

You Can Fall in Love. This post is so good that when I read it nearly two years, before we ever seriously considered adoption, a year before we committed, I remembered some of the exact words she uses. While this post does not apply to us entirely, a lot of what she says applies on a small scale. Sometimes the little things really, really drive me nuts and get in the way of MY bonding. I feel so guilty about that. Like the world’s worst parent. But, I read this when I need a reminder that I am not the only one dealing with it and it is MY CHOICE.

Change, Change, Change. A few days ago, I sent an email which was more open that I’d blog to my friend Melissa. I was talking about how it is such an adjustment for ME, and that is hard for me. It makes me feel guilty that there are things about childless life that I miss. Knowing that I am not the only one who misses sleeping in late makes me feel so much better. I also love how she wrote, “ Change is hard and discouraging and depressing. If you aren’t careful, it can blind you to the beautiful transformation that God has planned for you.”

I feel it is so important for us to an adoption community.  To have other people going through the same things. To feel that it is okay to have these emotions. 

2 thoughts on “Good Blog Posts”

  1. I think you do a great job keeping your blog honest and upbeat. I greatly appriciate your honesty, and some days I can certainly read into your words and see the struggle that you may have had, but you positive outlook and spin on it show that you can see the whole picture. Bonding and attachment are not always easy – even with bio children. Some days it is so hard, especially when you only read about how perfect everyone elses lives are going. Please know that you are NOT alone. Please keep being honest. Please do NOT be so hard on yourself, this is a HIGE adjustment for the 2 of you as well, even if this is what you wanted and planned for.Your children are beautiful, and I love to read about all of their little steps that bind you all tighter together as a forever family. I think that you're doing a GREAT job Mom:)

  2. I agree, I think we are really hard as a society on parents, biological or adoptive. There are a lot of great things about pre-child life. I just nursed my son to bed AFTER going out for a girls night that we all had to plan around bedtime and husbands' work schedules. It used to be possible for all of us to go out on the spur of the moment, without worrying about anyone else! And then, I had to come home and take care of my baby because he woke up as soon as I got home! The nerve!I think that bonding and attachment are always hard, no matter the situation. If it wasn't, then parenting magazines wouldn't have anything to write about. You have the extra challenge of both adopting older children and being thrown into the parenthood game with kids three and four years old, rather than being eased into it from newborn on up. I think you are doing a great job being honest about it, and I think it's important for people to realize that it is hard. It's going to be hard, but it is also pretty awesome! Through all the frustration, remember that you are doing a great job (if the job was measured in children getting into the toilet, none of us would be particularly great parents;-) )!

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