Tag Archives: Lena

Everyday Life

Alive and Well

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We’re still alive and well here. Our recent snow storm did NOT get the best of us. The reason why we haven’t been blogging? Babushka is here! Lola Babushka, that is, my mom. She is here from Sunday to Sunday. We have been having lots of fun, keeping busy. Aaron has been home most of this week too, because of all of our snow. It is nice. I have been staying up a bit later and I don’t feel like every drop of energy is sucked out of me by bedtime.

My mom took a shower this morning and when we came home around 4pm today, there was still water in the tub. Um, what? So, we added some Draino. Nothing. More Draino. Nothing. All three of us adults have tried using a snake on it. Nothing. Aaron started taking the pipes apart and about 45 minutes in, discovered the problem. One of the pipes had frozen water in it. Ah, lovely. Water drains further down, so that was just our problem.

I’ll try to write a longer, more exciting blog post soon. If you asked questions about the orphanage in the last post, make sure to read the comments from Bethany and Kelly. Good info.

Everyday Life

Q&A 1/10/11

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Did you get to see where your children slept? Were they all in one room with beds everywhere or were they separated, boys, girls?
I have not seen it in person. I have seen it in photos. I think it is mixed. Bethany? Kelly? Who knows? 

Do they seem to be afraid when it is nighttime bedtime (not day naps)? Do you have any idea what their bedtime routine was like before you adopted them?
They’re actually MUCH, MUCH better at night than during the day. They both need someone in there with them, but if they have each other, that is fine. I am not familiar with their routine. I do know that they took a long afternoon nap at the orphanage, but that’s about it.

Have you found your children to have food issues, such as gorging and hiding food for later? We have experienced this to varying degrees with our adopted children.
We have not yet. They’re both pretty good with food and can even be a bit picky, especially Lena. She often does not finish all that is on her plate. They both accept when meals are over. They also will wait for everyone to eat if we remind them that they need to (and there is nothing too tempting in front of them). Neither of them has tried to hide any food from us, although I am not sure how they could. And they definitely do not gorge. At meals, they, especially Ilya, get a bit goofy and silly and we frequently have to remind them to eat. He does eat a lot, though, if he likes what he’s eating!

Do you have any advice for parents preparing to travel to your children’s region?
Nope. Honestly, from what I have heard about other regions, it is a VERY EASY region. My advice would be the same for parents adopting from this region as it would be adopting anywhere else in Ukraine or in the world. But, I am not sure I am qualified to give adoption advice!



Will the children enter kindergarten/preschool or do you plan to homeschool them?
I am not sure yet. I would love to homeschool them, but I am not sure that I have what it takes! I am not very impressed with public school (and I went to public school, so believe me, I know). We’ll see.


How is Lena´s language acquisition going?
English? It’s not really. Sometimes she talks, but we can not understand what she is saying at all, unless we just told her to repeat something. She has learned a lot of sign language, thanks to Signing times (and my sister who gave it to us), but she still does not use it as a way to communicate. Right now, we basically have to guess her needs. She does say some words “mama” “doggies”. Sometime “papa” but that is rare. “Baby”. “Babushka”. I think she is on a 12-24 month level with language. There may be a medical reason for her developmental delay, beyond just being in an orphanage, and I am eager to talk to a doctor about that.


Mine comes from the perspective of Ilya being 4, and do you think he’ll be adequately adjusted when it comes time for school to start. Of course, if you don’t send him to preschool, then he has a good year and a half before Kindergarten starts.
I think he’ll be okay to start preschool. He is already pretty attached to both of us, and I imagine he will bond a lot more in the next 8 months. But like I said above, who knows if we’re going to send him. 


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What are your thoughts on adopting two unrelated kids at the same time, rather than one at a time, now that you’re home? Would you recommend that to a friend that is adopting?
Yes, I would absolutely recommend it. Especially in a situation like ours, where we do not already have children. Ilya and Lena need each other’s company and support. The fact that they knew each other but were not in the same group really worked to our advantage too. The same with the male/female combo. Everything worked out so they were not competitors and quickly became friends. I will tell you, it is certainly harder on us at times. We do not really get much of a break, sometimes they wake each other up, etc. But, I do think it’s worth it, especially for the relationship that Ilya and Lena have.
Everyday Life

Hard Day

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Today has been a no good, very bad day, as Alexander might call it.

One of those days where you’re woken up in the middle of the night for a potty break, but someone still soaks his diaper and gets the bed and pajamas wet. The kind of day where stick things explode all over you and the counter tops and it’s only 8am, so good luck finding time for a shower. You can’t get the caps off of bottles and your husband has already gone to work.

Then you call tons of doctor’s offices and your insurance company. And still don’t have a single appointment scheduled by 4pm. Because you can’t get a real person and have to leave a message.

Someone won’t swallow her carrots and won’t spit them out either. Just wants to scream with carrots in her mouth. Until she spits them out onto the bed, when she is supposed to be laying down for a nap. And she screams for an hour.

And then finally, both kids nap and you go to shower. And, you hop out of the shower and someone is screaming. This time the easier kid, but he won’t go back to sleep. And then the dogs bark. So, dogs in their crates. And the boy still won’t sleep. Then, papa comes home and the dogs start whining because they heard him. And you leave the boy alone while you talk to the papa and then the boy starts crying because he has to poop. And then the papa takes the boy to the bathroom. So you let the dogs out, and they bark again and then the screaming girl wakes up.

But then, the papa takes both kids and both dogs and goes out and you actually have a few minutes to sit and breathe.

Seriously, that was my day. Ugh. When Lena woke up crying, I just started crying. Her nap was too short. They need naps. Both of them were falling asleep in the evening yesterday.

Lena screams and cries A LOT. She is grieving and angry. It might sound odd, if you don’t know what I mean, but it’s normal for adopted kids to grieve all of their losses– previous life, birth parents, etc. Even if what they have now is better than where they were. The truth is, grief and anger, isn’t pretty on anyone. Especially a 3 year old who can’t communicate it. It really comes out whenever she NEEDS something. Needs a nap. Needs food. Needs to potty. I can’t imagine all of her emotions right now. From our perspective, it is pretty miserable too. To be on the receiving end of all of her grief and anger. Even just to watch her mourn.

Ilya is the total opposite. Lots of people told us he was guaranteed to be harder, being older and a boy. I may be jinxing myself here, but he is doing extremely well. He does have his moments, but generally, he seems unscathed. When he was crying today, after I took my shower, he obviously had been crying for a few minutes. Saying “mama”. And I walked in there and he reached out for me to pick him up. I cuddled with him and kissed him and he was fine again. Totally fine, ready to roll around and play. He loves being cuddled and kissed and picked up and held. Yes, he gets upset when he can’t have his way, or when he’s tired or hungry, but he doesn’t seem to carry that grief and anger that Lena does. Sometimes he seems like the ignorant ideal of adoption, a kid who is incredibly grateful to have a mama and a papa. And sometimes it seems like I must have just hit my head too hard and he is our bio kid who has been here for the past four years. Like how he teases me after I kiss his forehead by wiping the kisses off.

I wanted to share how both of them are doing with you. Lena because I think what we’re going through with her is normal. It is common and it is brutal. With Ilya, I want to share it because I want more people to consider the boys. To know that all boys are not as hard as many think they are and maybe there is a waiting little boy who will slip into your family just as easily.

Adoption, Everyday Life

Q&A 1/2/11

2 Comments

Are Lena and Ilya also going to have American names?
I was thinking they were Scarlett and Reid? 
Yes, they do have American names… Reed and Scarlett. But we are going to call them Ilya and Lena for as long as they like. They don’t know about their other names yet, and we have no plans for a transition. We love their Ukrainian names, but wanted them to have the option of a name which sounds more American when they get to public school. Especially for Ilya, as Ilya is a very Russian name and sounds a bit effeminate to some. Their new names are their first names and their Ukrainian names are their middle names. The name that they want to be called will always be up to them!


Were you allowed to interact with or observe any of the other children at 33? there is a specific child I am interested in…and I could email you privately and tell you the situation. I would love your input on the size of the institution, the area and your general thoughts.
I shared about this more on our travel blog, but everyday, we’d see the older kids groupa, the kids age 3-5, walk by after their music class. We also spent some time with “James” one day. Feel free to email me with your questions. MMorris87@gmail.com. The orphanage is decent. The children get good care there and I really enjoyed the region we were in, for the most part.

Were your children already familiar with one another? Not sure if children are separated by age into different rooms, etc.
They knew each other, but did not seem to know each other very well. I think this worked out for the best. They play nicely together and get along, interact with each other, etc. A concern with adopting two children from the same orphanage is that they may have had to compete for resources in the past, but that is not the case with them.

How was the flight home? I missed out on the travel blog! 🙂
We had three flights. The first two were not fun at all. The first was hard because the kids were wide awake and antsy. And we had three seats and then one. So Aaron took both kids since I had not slept at all. The second was our terribly long flight. They slept but it still got rough. I can’t blame them, but that was hard. We should not have seated them right next to each other either. The third was pretty good. We had two seats and two seats. That worked best. Lena slept most of the flight and Ilya was okay too.

What are your thoughts on your children´s Ukrainian heritage, do you mean to keep Ukrainian traditions 
We’d love to keep up some of the traditions, but we want to use traditions which we can do as a whole family. Like St. Nicholas’ day and other Ukrainian holidays. I’d love ideas if anyone has them for traditions which are easy to do as a whole family.

What are your observtions of Ukraine in general.
Sometimes Ukraine would seem just like the United States and other times I’d feel like we had stepped back 50 years. There are lots of things which seem weird to me, but that is my perspective as a Western observer, who does not understand their customs. There are other things which are brilliant and we ought to implement here in the United States. Like paying for plastic bags at the grocery store or tunnels underground to cross busy streets or wearing the same outfit a few days in a row.

How is the attatchment going
It’s hard. Ilya and Aaron definitely have a bond. Ilya gets so excited when Aaron gets home from work and so sad when he leaves. He clings to Aaron whenever there are new people around. Lena and I seem to have a bond too. Honestly, it’s hard to tell. She calls for me sometimes. “Mama? Mama?” I can’t really speak for Aaron and Lena, because like I said, I have a hard time judging even our bond. Ilya and I are working on it. It helps when Aaron is gone. Both kids just soak up affection. Ilya likes to be a silly boy and wipe off my kisses, but he just lights up when he gets hugs and kisses. Lena is the same. Obviously attachment is hard from their perspective. It’s possible they’ve never had a strong attachment to another person. It’s hard from mine too. It’s hard falling in love with someone who treats you very poorly much of the time. I think you other adoptive parents may know what I mean.

My question relates to akopp’s, have y’all been to a dr. in the US yet? Any plan of action yet?
We have not. Obviously, this last week, the only week we’ve been home for, was that nutty week between Christmas and New Years. We wanted to give the kids some time to settle in too, before they’re poked and prodded. I am eager for their medical tests and to make sure that they are healthy. I’ll let you know how that goes when they happen.

I deleted a few questions, because I do not feel comfortable answering them publicly. Shoot me an email to find out what’s up and I may answer them privately. MMorris87@gmail.com. I will try to do a Q&A once a week if I continue to get questions.