I’ve missed SO many moments with Reed and Lena. So many scary things, when they needed someone to step in and protect them and take care of them. Bronchitis. Chicken Pox. Nightmares. And I’ve missed so many milestones, moments when someone really should have been there with a camera. First word. First steps. First birthday. Things we can never get back, no money can buy those moments back.

Tonight, I poured over every detail I have about Baby A, trying to make him feel closer and not so far way. But, then I read “holds head up at 2 months, roll at 3 months, crawl at 6 months…” and all I could think about was each milestone we miss as time grows on and on. He’s probably walking well now. He probably has lots of new words. How many teeth does he have now?

For better and for worse, I’ve kissed him and held him in my lap. He’s real to me. There is a baby boy 5000 miles away. Learning new things every day. Growing up. And we, the family who loves him, we’re here. We’re missing moments.