Sad

We’re so sad and angry about losing Alyona. We felt so close to bringing her home. We felt like she was already a part of our family. We already have her car seat and her bed. I was slowly accumulating clothes for her. I had all of the supplies picked out to make her a hooded towel, picked out just for her.

I can’t really look at her photo because it just makes me feel sad. We will never see her again. We will never know how she’s doing or get updates on her. A “family” stepped forward to “foster” her. They knew about our plans to adopt her and wanted to stay in Russia. They have known her for years. While I can understand their motivation, their timing and execution is just cruel. They knew about us and they had actually told the hospital that they would not be pursuing Alyona unless we didn’t pass court. Alyona may never leave the hospital… we will not know and there is nothing we can do.

We have the opportunity to go to Russia during the time we had for our court trip and instead accept the referral of a new child. I think that we will chose to do this. While this is quick, everything is in place already. I think that moving forward will be painful and healing. We are praying about which child is the perfect fit for our family.

We are so grateful for all of those who have prayed for us and cried with us. We have truly wonderful friends and family walking through this with us. Please continue to pray that Alyona has all of her needs met and that our family has some clarity about our decisions moving forward.

17 thoughts on “Sad”

  1. I came here to comment once again because I started thinking that since you wrote “not ever”, that your Alyona had passed away. And then I read this….
    While I’m happy that she is still alive, I’m terribly sorry for you. I fully agree with you that it’s cruel to do such a thing. If they’re so interested in her, why didn’t they step forward earlier? I’m so sorry for your loss – and for Alyona too.
    Not having been in your situation, I still think you’re doing the right thing to accept a new referral for another child, although I also hope you will get some time for grieving your loss before going. I hope you will feel clarity about which precious child is yours and that the process will be smooth without further heartbreak!
    You are in my thoughts!

  2. Molly, I’m so so sorry about your little sweetie. We can only pray that she is loved and cared for in the home she will be in. While it might seem fast to some, I agree that it will be healing for you to proceed. I think of Sarah Basile and how blessed they have been with their little Mila after losing Lainey. I know it’s not the same because you had already met Alyona. Hugs to you and your family. I’m praying for you, and know that God will lead you to the little person He has for your family.

  3. I am so sorry that you have had this terrible heartbreak. Sometimes it is just so hard to understand the “whys”. You not only fell in love with a picture, you fell in love with a little girl you held in your arms. I hope you find the courage to move forward and risk your heart again.

  4. I can’t even imagine your pain and loss right now. I know that God has this under control but, as you say why couldn’t this family have stepped up before you met her?
    My guess is that God knew maybe then you wouldn’t be drawn to this other child that he is calling you to. Praying fervently for your hearts and for you to clearly discern what child is to join your family.
    Hugs and love!

  5. Oh Molly. My heart is breaking. I think you are making the right choice. God allowed you to get this far. I know it will be hard. I know it will be painful – but cling to God’s promises. I will be praying for you guys!

  6. I’m so sorry. For you and for Alyona. I hope and pray that the family that came forward takes care of her properly and doesn’t just make this lip service so you don’t adopt her. I went to bed so angry last night, praying for all of you.

  7. I’m continuing to pray for Alyona, that she’ll be protected, safe and loved. And I’m praying for your family, that you’ll be able to heal and will have discernment about how to move forward.

  8. hubby and i feel terrible for you and your hubby/kiddies..i pray the refferal works out..strange things have happened another blog we read lost there three boys accepted a blind refferal to find out it was the boys they lost..ill pray you never know what can happen..

  9. Oh Molly! I seriously do not even know the words to write you. Just know that I am praying for you guys and Alyona!

  10. That is so difficult and doesn’t make much sense. I will keep praying for you that God’s will be done and your hearts will continue healing… He’s in control and loves you all very much. Jer. 29:11
    Be blessed 🙂

  11. How awful!!! I am so sorry for the unbelievably painful experience you must be going through. I can’t believe any one could do that – to wait until someone had stepped forward and then get involved. I am thinking of you during this time.

  12. I’m so, so sorry Molly:( I can’t imagine the range of emotions and feelings you must be experiencing. I have no words….. Your family is in my prayers.

  13. Molly & Aaron I pray tht God gives you guys peace and that he heals your heart. It is a very painful thing when you lose your child. We too have have gone through this. Just rememember he has a plan for you and your family and he will show you. Praying for you both.

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