All posts by Molly

URGENT request about Russian adoption

May 14, 2013 Molly Leave a comment

Today, Gus delighted in grapes, being out in the hot sunshine and some cuddling when he was feeling tired. The simple joys of being 2, right?

My kids are amazing people and I don’t generally dwell in their pasts and what might have been, but the reality is that, there’s a whole different life out there, one that they used to live and could still be living if laws in their birth countries were different.

Unfortunately, as we all know, in Russia, those laws have changed and those kids, kids who should be in someone’s backyard, eating grapes, cuddling and enjoying the beautiful weather, are waiting in orphanages. Here’s your chance to do something.

Senator Landrieu is currently circulating a letter for signature by members of Congress. The letter will go to President Obama and will urge him to prioritize the matter of the pipeline families trapped by the Russian adoption ban and find a solution when he meets with Putin at the G8 Summit in mid-June.

In short, what you need to do is call your Senators and Congressmen and say “I’m calling to ask Senator (insert name) to please sign the letter for President Obama about Russian adoption. I’m a constituent from (insert location) and Russian adoption matters to me because…”

There are many families who have met their child, and promised their child that they would be back, with no clue that Russian adoption would shut down entirely. Can you imagine meeting your child, saying goodbye thinking you’ll be back in a month or two, and 6 months later, your child still waits with no end in sight?

Here’s a suggestion on what you can say, as well, as the details and content of the letter from a friend of mine who is one of these waiting families…

Senator/Congressman ________,

My friend is currently in the process of adopting a child from Russia with Down syndrome and met their child before the adoption ban went into place. They fell in love with their child when they held them, played with them, laughed with them, and truly became a family while they were in Russia. They very much think of this child as their son/daughter. They cannot just forget about this child and “move on” because their child will grow up in a mental institution for the rest of their life if they are not adopted.

Senator Landrieu is currently leading a sign-on letter for both House and Senate members to sign in support of these families to encourage President Obama to prioritize this issue when he meets with President Putin in June at the G8 Summit. We are calling/emailing because we think it is very important as one of your constituents to support these families and this issue. This week these families are in Washington D.C. visiting you and are delivering you letters requesting your support in this matter. We want you to show your support by signing the letter that will be delivered to President Obama.

To sign on, please contact Whitney Reitz in Senator Landrieu’s office at 202-224-5824 or email her at whitney_reitz@landrieu.senate.gov The deadline for signing this letter is the end of business on Wednesday, May 15th.

The following members have already signed the letter:

Blunt, MO
Brown, OH
Cantwell, WA
Cardin, MD
Gillibrand, NY
Inhofe, OK
Johanns, NE
Kirk, IL
Landrieu, LA
Paul, KY
Portman, OH
Sessions, AL
Toomey, PA
Warner, VA
Wicker, MI
Franks, AZ
Israel, NY
King, IA
Loebsack, IA
Lummis, WY
Rangel, NY

We would like to see your name join along side theirs. The text of the letter is included below:

President Barack H. Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, D.C. 20500

Dear Mr. President:

We are writing to request your assistance with finding a solution for the small number of Russian orphans who have already met and bonded with their American families, yet were not able to have their adoptions completed due to the Russian adoption ban. We understand that you will be meeting with President Putin in June during the G8 Summit. We ask that you prioritize this issue and seek commitment from President Putin to finding a humanitarian solution.

Politics between the United States and Russia have become personal to several hundred Russian orphans and the families in the United States hoping to adopt them. These are children without parents, families, or homes. Many are in need of urgent medical care; all are in need of a future filled with promise. These children have no voice. These children have already been promised homes in America, and they have bonded with these American parents. The Government of Russia’s unwillingness to allow their cases to be completed adds yet another trauma to their young lives.

We have met many of these families and spoken with them frequently. They remain completely dedicated to these children, and they are trying everything in their power to help them. Approximately 230 of these families had traveled to Russia before the adoption ban to spend time with the children with whom they were matched. These devoted families already think of the children they were matched with as their sons and daughters.

Mr. President, we must find a humanitarian solution for these children and these families. We were cautiously optimistic when the Government of Russia sent a delegation to the United States a few weeks ago, but the outcome of that visit was disappointing.

We ask you to raise this issue with President Putin directly in the hopes that two world leaders can step back for a moment and find a way out of the political morass for a few hundred wounded children. Based on the briefings we have received from the Department of State and U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services, we know that there are options for bringing these children home, despite the ban. The issue, then, becomes a question of convincing the Russians to put the children’s needs first. We thank you in advance for your efforts on behalf of this group of children and families.

Sincerely,

Names of senate members will follow

We truly appreciate your support in this matter. We know that you are compassionate and understand these parents’ love for the children that they see as their sons and daughters.

Thank you,

YOUR NAME

I think the area code for these numbers is 202
http://www.senate.gov/general/resources/pdf/senators_phone_list.pdf
http://www.house.gov/representatives/

Everyday Life, Photography

AsparaGus

May 9, 2013 Molly 3 Comments

Gus recently made a new friend. He’s a perfect match for Gus, the same age, also adopted from Russia…

They have A LOT of fun together. It can get a bit wild.

We call this little Gus look-a-like AsparaGus.

The trouble is

we don’t always know where to find him.

And that’s no fun.

Adoption, Adoptive Parents Panel, Orphan Care

What I wish I had done differently…

April 27, 2013 Molly Leave a comment

A few weeks ago, I did a blog post with a series of answers to the question “What do you wish you had known before adopting?” Shortly after I asked that, I also asked the same group of moms what they wish they had done differently. Here are the responses…

In the Process

“I wish I would have done more research from the start. Home study agency, costs, timeline, all things I wish I would have had a better handle on. I agree with others, the whole process took about twice as long as I thought it would have.”

“I wish I would have been more aware of the spiritual warfare that descended on me once we started the process. I spent months feeling terrified and full of doubt, and I didn’t even recognize it for what it was. Had I battled those demons and trusted God far more, I could have had a lot more joy in the process.”

“I wouldn’t have put so much importance on what our families thought about it seeing as how we knew God called us to this. That caused some unnecessary grief in the beginning.”

“I would have not allowed the process to rule our lives. I feel like I don’t remember much of that year. Between paper-chasing, worrying about the money, fundraising, obsessively checking my email, waiting by the phone for calls, desperately searching the internet for any random photos of my child, or blogs from others who might have been to the same orphanage…. I lived and breathed the process. And now, looking back, I realize how little any that worrying and obsessing mattered. I wish instead I would have cherished each day, taken care of whatever I needed to when it was due, and otherwise, let life go on. If my agency called at 4pm, it would have been okay to get the message at 8pm; waiting by the phone wasn’t beneficial to the process in any way. Next time, I hope I will be able to keep this in mind and enjoy each day as it comes.”

“I wouldn’t have gotten caught up in other people’s (adopters) drama. Trying to “help” in crisis situations only drained me. I could also write a book on agency related stuff, but it doesn’t really seem appropriate given the circumstances. But I will research better next time. I also think that given what we’re watching unfold, I might guard my heart even more. Not talked in terms of “my” child right off the bat. Held my cards a little tighter to my chest.”

“I can’t handle adoption drama. And I don’t mean literally drama with people’s adoptions, things going wrong, etc. I mean the drama created by other adoptive parents. I have met some amazing friends through this process. I’ve also met some people who can suck the life out of you if you let them. Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

In Country

“I would have asked even more questions at the orphanage. I would have pushed a little harder to learn more about his past. I would have pushed harder to get his grandmother’s information who visited him. I wish I had spent more time with the other children at the orphanage or had taken an extra day or so in country ti do something on the orphanage grounds, like a service project… man I wanted to mow that grass and give those kids a place to play!”

“I have ALWAYS been hugely disappointed that our adoptions have taken longer then expected. On EVERY adoption (we have adopted 10 children, 7 different adoptions). It is so horrible to pass that date on the calendar when you felt your child would definitely be home by. Plan on your adoption taking twice as long as everyone else who has ever adopted from that country! Then if they come home sooner, you will just be thrilled. Do not just write off adoption timelines that took longer then expected because something went wrong. YOU will have lots go wrong and it will add to your timeline too.”

(In reply to the previous comment) “Part of me wishes I had guarded my heart better and NOT spent so much time with the other children. I am all too aware that that sounds and feels terrible. Those moments were precious for me, but they came at a high price. Three children I held and loved (including one of our two Russians) are now stuck without their families because of the ban. There are [several more children] without committed families that are being transferred this month or next. Those faces bring with them a lot of “survivor’s guilt”. Why did [our daughter] get out? Why did [other recently adopted children] get out? Why are [names of other children stuck at orphanage] being sent to places that the baby house director referred to as “just north of Hell”? I can’t be Mama to all of them (nor do I want to)…but what their lives will become does weigh on me…”

After Homecoming

“I wish I would’ve let friends and family know that I was struggling when we first came home. Pre-cooked meals would’ve been nice.”

“I wish I had been gentler on myself and been more aware that adoption is hard. I spent way too much time beating myself up and overanalyzing the parenting of my adopted child. I would also seek out more people who would pray for our family and actively encourage me throughout those first few months home.”

“I would definitely carry him more (he rejected being touched for a long time, so we didn’t use carriers/slings, but I think we should have). I would aslo bottle feed him right from the start. I didn’t think it was necessary, since he was two when we got him, but when I finally started bottle feeding him after six months of being home, it really helped our attachment.”

Everyday Life, Photography

Mr Cute Overalls and the Girl

April 12, 2013 Molly 2 Comments

Gus had on the cutest overall shorts from his cousin the other day. I had to take a few photos.

I finally got all the settings just right, he was sitting very nice and I was about to reframe it when, as fast as he could…

He laid down,

Rolled over and jumped off.

Eying me from the corner of the room was this girl, always eager to be my model.

Love this girl.

Everyday Life

And now, I duck.

April 9, 2013 Molly 10 Comments

I don’t generally share much about my personal beliefs or my testimony. It makes me squeamish to open myself up to that scrutiny and I have no interest in that kind of debate. And, this is blog is more to do with our family and adoption. However, this is something I’ve been carefully thinking about and trying to find a way to share for years now. As a disclaimer, this is a post about my faith and is directed at other followers of Jesus.

I graduated from the university near where we live now, but before that, I went to a small private liberal college for women in a very liberal town in the Northeast United States. I was very young, my views on the world still developing, but up until that point, if you were to survey my beliefs, I would have ended up somewhere on the moderate side of liberal. My family didn’t regularly attend church growing up, but I was certainly somewhat familiar with the bible and Christians. I knew a few decent Christians, but for the most part, I thought followers of Jesus were quick to throw the laws at you. Quick to remind you exactly why you would be burning in hell. And even if they didn’t say it, they were certainly thinking it. Especially quick to condemn gay people. Yes, there were more liberal denominations, more liberal Christians, but from what I’d heard from the most vocal Christians in my life, they weren’t even following their own bible. The bible said that homosexuality was a sin so those liberal Christians might be even worse. Watering down their own faith to make it fit in America.

At college, I met a ton of cool people. People who identify as lesbian, gay, transexual. People born with female anatomy, but who use the men’s bathroom. Beautiful people, who came to this college because they were welcome, free from judgement. People who cared about social injustice. People who volunteered their time to help others. It seemed to me like those people cared a lot more about those who Christians would call “the least of these” than Christians did. The Christians were a bit too busy smacking people over the head with their book full of laws and finding the the verse which would send you to those eternal flames.

I ended up leaving that college. A straight girl who didn’t know what she wanted to do with her life and wasn’t too interested in the tight knit college atmosphere, I just didn’t fit in. Not because of my beliefs, but I just couldn’t find my place in a sea of women.

That was when I joined AmeriCorps. That was when I met my husband. He fascinated me. Not in a lustful way, but with genuine curiosity. The first thing I learned was that he had spent 7 months in New Orleans, volunteering full time to help with disaster relief after Katrina and now he was committed another year of his life to serving. I had spent several weeks in New Orleans, not even close to his length stay, but we had this in common. We both loved the hands-on helping and serving others that we found in NOLA.

But, there was another thing that possibly fascinated me even more. He was a Christian. I would find him praying or reading his bible and while he didn’t engage us in his faith, he’d talk about it when asked. One person on our AmeriCorps team was particularly fond of debated, so he’d engage Aaron. Aaron would disagree firmly, but not in a way that felt imposing or close-minded. Even though I agreed with the other guy on most things, Aaron always approached things with reason and without being inflammatory. That earned him my respect.

Aaron told me his beliefs. He explained why he believed the bible was truth, what he believed it said and how he lived that out. I told him how I didn’t think I could be a Christian, because I couldn’t love a God who condemns people to hell just for being gay. He listened. He never compromised his beliefs, but he always considered my point of view. This was such a strange experience for me. We could disagree on everything that mattered to us and still talk about it and enjoy our time together.

For the first time, I had a genuine curiosity about God and the bible, not because of what anyone had told me it said, but because of who my now-husband was. That was what led me to Christ.

Since then, I’ve learned about grace, how who Jesus died for on the cross, and what the bible says and how biased individuals use different translations to prove their point on any number of issues.

I didn’t write this post to share my own political beliefs. I’m actually not going to– sorry, as I’m sure that’s what some of you were waiting for. I wrote this because I’ve seen the harm it causes when Christians lead with condemnation. When it takes the form of a Facebook profile picture, or a political rally, or a causally written blog post. When the lead isn’t that Jesus loves us and died for all of us, but that marriage is threatened by gay people. Don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely a time and a place to share even controversial beliefs and it doesn’t serve anyone to water down or edit our faith to suit everyone. But, when you casually share in a public setting, remember that that is the first thing that what you are sharing is the first and perhaps the only thing that people will know about you and Christ in you.

“Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” Colossians 4:5-6